r/worldnews
•
u/bildo72
•
Mar 22 '23
•
1
Steven Seagal launches Aikido centre to train Russians for military service Covered by other articles
https://www.bloodyelbow.com/2023/3/21/23649224/steven-seagal-launches-aikido-centre-train-russians-service-armed-forces-news[removed] — view removed post
1.3k
u/greatgildersleeve
Mar 22 '23
•
Just a quick reminder that Gene LeBell made Seagal crap his pants.
668
u/Traspen Mar 22 '23 •
That's why he and Putin are such good buddies. They're "poopy pants" brothers cut from the same cloth.
31
→ More replies7
200
u/UWCG Mar 22 '23
I remember that from the Behind the Bastards podcast about Seagal!
And boy is that episode worth a listen, it's hilarious how wildly incompetent the guy is while he pretends to be a major badass. Another one of my favorite bits from the episode is how he brags about having SEAL training, then wasn't able to read a compass. Or the fact that he's in terrible shape (and is a terrible person).
165
u/ThatsNotMyDogma Mar 22 '23
he brags about having SEAL training
That was all about balancing a ball on his nose.
39
u/dutcharetall_nothigh Mar 22 '23
I was once at a festival where Seal played and there was this big beach ball that the audience was bouncing around, but then it blew onto the stage and Seal didn't balance it on his nose or even kick it back to the crowd.
1/10, do not recommend, very disappointing performance.
→ More replies27
u/Synaps4 Mar 22 '23
"BAAYBEEEEYY I compare you to a bounce from a ball on the NOSE, OOOOH the more I see the ball the STRANGER it feels, yeah....."
9
51
3
7
→ More replies28
u/Traspen Mar 22 '23
he brags about having SEAL training
To be fair (even though I hate the fucker) he's not lying, he just isn't telling the whole truth.
FACT -> He was trained for a few minutes by the SEALS at Wally's Aquatic Petting Zoo as a child.
/s/S→ More replies32
u/obious Mar 22 '23
7
→ More replies5
u/ishigoya Mar 22 '23
Bobby Fingers! The view counts on his videos are criminally low
→ More replies
1.0k
u/rja49
Mar 22 '23
•
Excellent, that's exactly what the Russian soldiers need, an ineffective combat style.
202
110
Mar 22 '23
Ineffective? I'm not sure the Ukrainians will know how to counter Seagal's new favored combat technique of fighting while seated on a swivel chair. They'll become further disoriented when the action freezes and they're suddenly confronted by their opponent's slimmer stunt double, now capable of ascending stairs.
→ More replies→ More replies3
671
u/BambiesMom Mar 22 '23
It'll be hard for Russia to launch a human wave attack if everyone involved is just sitting down on chairs the whole time.
288
u/Throwaway08080909070 Mar 22 '23
I bet his resting BP in a chair is higher than yours during a workout, that man is just a slab of boiled ham covered in Grecian Formula For Men.
→ More replies17
→ More replies8
538
u/vizayebaly Mar 22 '23
Awesome. Russians are going to be using bullshito, always finding new ways to bring up their casualty numbers.
Theres a reason you never see Aikido practitioners in any MMA competitions.
109
u/BostonUniStudent Mar 22 '23
This solves the problem of lack of adequate weapons for the soldiers. They can just charge into battle with karate chops.
→ More replies30
→ More replies63
u/DocPeacock Mar 22 '23
I'm not sure if aikido is an actual martial art, but if it is, Segal definitely doesn't know it.
77
u/Mornar Mar 22 '23
Practiced correctly it'll definitely help you build some strength, endurance, coordination etc, while burning quite a few calories if that's what you're after. It will absolutely not teach you how to fight outside of an aikido dojo.
60
u/survive Mar 22 '23
It will absolutely not teach you how to fight outside of an aikido dojo.
Does it provide training on how to lure attackers inside of a dojo?
→ More replies13
→ More replies12
u/wyldstallyns111 Mar 22 '23
I feel like this is true for a lot of martial arts styles tbf. One reason I gave up the hobby (after many years and several styles) and just started doing more direct fitness activities for cardio etc since that’s what I suspect most of the benefit really was
29
u/Mornar Mar 22 '23
If you want to learn to actually fight just look what MMA fighters are using. I don't think it's much reason not to practice other styles if you're having fun doing so. We're not main characters in anime, most of us don't really expect to get in a fight, I do/did martial arts because it's a form of exercise I enjoy. I dabble in longsword now, similarily, not because I expect to go slaying villains with one, it's just cool as hell and equally as fun.
→ More replies→ More replies8
u/Sleeptalk- Mar 22 '23
Boxing, BJJ, Wrestling, Muay Thai. Those are the big four and if you know any single one of them at a high level you’ll fuck up over 90% of the population, much less all of them.
The rest of them are a lot more niche and less useful, especially the more traditional ones
→ More replies36
u/Masonia1976 Mar 22 '23
It definitely is, but I think the emphasis is strongly on the "Art" part of the two words
15
u/Joeythreethumbs Mar 22 '23
“Performative Slap Fighting” just doesn’t carry the same air of mystique.
→ More replies32
u/Howunbecomingofme Mar 22 '23
Aikido is real but kind of woo-woo nonsense depending on the school. The type of aikido Seagal has a lot of talk about ki and “powers”. Which is why there’s so many videos of him using his “powers” to throw people across the room a with flick of the wrist. Nevermind that it’s more scripted that a WWE match
→ More replies23
u/Gyrant Mar 22 '23
Aikido is an actual martial art in the same way that Tai Chi is an actual martial art. There's martial arts that work in a fight and ones that don't, (or more specifically, there's methodologies where you train against a fully resisting opponent, and there's ones where you don't) and Aikido is generally one of the latter, but it is a martial art by definition.
→ More replies13
u/Different-Estate747 Mar 22 '23
I watched a video once of an MMA fighter "fighting" an Aikido master. The fight starts, fighter throw a kick followed by a palm strike to the Masters face who then proceeds to say "Ah fuck this!" and gives up.
→ More replies8
u/CPT_Shiner Mar 22 '23
That sloppy dude isn't a master of anything besides eating hot pockets.
5
u/SweatyAnalProlapse Mar 22 '23
That's like 90% of the requirements for an aikido master.
→ More replies
252
u/PunkinBrewster Mar 22 '23
It’s the Russian version of the make a wish foundation. They get to meet a celebrity before they die.
→ More replies76
u/No-Satisfaction3663 Mar 22 '23
Except he is not a celebrity and they are already dead
→ More replies21
u/PunkinBrewster Mar 22 '23
When has a Russian knockoff been a better version of anything?
→ More replies12
u/ShiftyDenny19 Mar 22 '23
Eh. The Kalash series rifle is pretty dope. But it's also a tool for wholesale murder, so. Not that dope.
217
u/candyapplebrown Mar 22 '23
Steven seagal teaching Akido is doing more to undermine the Russian war effort than anything else
→ More replies115
u/blippityblop Mar 22 '23
I wanna convince myself this is some kind of CIA psyop
→ More replies49
u/littlebubulle Mar 22 '23
Sometimes, the enemy is just dumb and all you have to do is not correcting them.
25
→ More replies17
u/Gyrant Mar 22 '23
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
~Napoleon Bonaparte (maybe)
4
30
u/beatmaster808 Mar 22 '23
What a huge piece of shit.
12
u/AstroFuzz Mar 22 '23
Abandoned his kids, cheated on his wife, creeps on teenage girls AND supports genocide? What a dreamboat /s
29
u/Hobo_Knife Mar 22 '23
Not going to work out too well for them considering the Ukrainians don’t know the choreography.
4
u/kayak_enjoyer Mar 22 '23
There's also the machine guns. Grappling techniques are ineffective against bullets.
→ More replies
18
u/ShrimpFriedMyRice Mar 22 '23
Everytime Steven Seagal gets posted I feel the need to link this video of pure comedy gold.
→ More replies
153
u/Glittering_Ad_3370 Mar 22 '23
Can we revoke this fat-ass clown's citizenship?
72
30
u/daseined001 Mar 22 '23
TIL That we have not revoked his citizenship
9
u/kellyb1985 Mar 22 '23
I'm pretty sure it's against international law to render someone stateless. So unless he has citizenship elsewhere, it's unlikely that the US would do that.
9
→ More replies5
u/lycao Mar 22 '23
Didn't England do it against some people who left to join Isis? I recall something about people having their citizenships revoked and being stuck in limbo.
→ More replies8
→ More replies5
u/MassiveLefticool Mar 22 '23
He’s doing more to help the Ukrainian army then most people judging from this article lol
52
u/MarshallGibsonLP Mar 22 '23
From what I've seen, the Russians are already black belts in shitting their own pants.
3
93
u/DestinyPotato Mar 22 '23
Has this scumbags assets been seized yet? I hoped so after he was making propaganda videos for Russia at the start of their war but it seems like he's somehow manages to have no repercussions from it.
→ More replies15
44
u/MrMoonFall Mar 22 '23
TIL Seagal is a secret agent sent by the US to severely degrade the Russian Military.
12
13
33
80
u/sg3niner Mar 22 '23
So he's now actively committing treason?
Good.
Revoke his American citizenship.
→ More replies17
23
25
u/David_denison Mar 22 '23
I think Steve is a deep cover assassin sent to kill putin, his plan started a few decades ago when intentionally became a laughing stock to ease suspicion.
→ More replies
7
u/Reverend0352 Mar 22 '23
If I am not mistaken that is aiding a foreign military without the U.S. government approval which is illegal. There’s a Marine pilot who was arrested for training the Chinese military.
→ More replies
36
20
u/FM-101 Mar 22 '23
Seagal, who also serves as the head instructor of the Russian Aikido Federation, said during the inauguration. “These arts can make this world a better place.”
In my opinion people who actively support the destruction of the West should automatically lose their citizenship with their Western country.
Call their bluff, make them put their money where their mouth is. Make them to live in the kind of world they support.
8
u/Spartanfred104 Mar 22 '23
Alrighty, my 13 year old Niece will officially be able to take down Russian military soliders in hand to hand combat, is this a joke? Lol
8
7
u/Rolling_Beardo Mar 22 '23
As long as whoever they’re fighting doesn’t fight back and goes along with all the moves they should be fine.
7
u/elevation430 Mar 22 '23
So he will teach them how to gain 150 lbs, sit in a chair and do a bunch of little slaps. The Ukrainians must be shaking in their boots.
6
7
5
u/Bar_Mitzvah_MC Mar 22 '23
As a person who studied Aikido the best strategy which is taught to you is to run away from danger if you can. Clearly the Russian army has already demonstrated this multiple times so I’m not sure what Steven is going to teach them.
→ More replies
5
4
u/drsploogeinurmom Mar 22 '23
The first lesson is watching his entire catalogue of movies and giving him positive feedback 🤣
6
5
u/aimhelix Mar 22 '23
Fuck, that's bad news. Now they're gonna be experts in everything.
3
u/wynnduffyisking Mar 22 '23
Russian helicopters are gonna be called skippy from now on
→ More replies
5
u/jpop237 Mar 22 '23
To quote myself from a previous thread:
You do realize he's not actually a Navy SEAL, right?
He's just a kook.
4
43
u/Martipar Mar 22 '23
Aikido isn't a real martial art though, it's just theatrics.
11
u/Lumpy-pad Mar 22 '23
So what you're saying is Russia is going to pay some dude who is already rich for 'military training' as a gash grab?
Good to know they still aren't willing to change their tactics.
→ More replies10
u/aging_geek Mar 22 '23
so the ukrainians can pull the Indiana jones stunt of just shooting instead of matching the moves of the agressor.
→ More replies17
u/ifartfreedom Mar 22 '23
The Wimp Lo School of Martial Arts
→ More replies18
18
11
4
u/Eyes_Woke Mar 22 '23
Hopefully someone's revoked his citizenship by now or he's given it up along with getting help for his mental illness.
4
u/Widespreaddd Mar 22 '23
That’s cool AF! On a completely unrelated note, Russia is also pulling T-54 tanks, made in the 1940’s, out of storage. Not sure what made me think of that.
4
u/Several-Stranger3893 Mar 22 '23
Those poor souls.
edit: This is the first time I've had that thought about Russian soldiers since this whole Ukraine invasion started.
4
u/magnamed Mar 22 '23
Well that's convenient, because now we'll know for sure the Ukrainians aren't lying when they say the Russians shit themselves.
4
u/Johnnygunnz Mar 22 '23
Omg, yes. That's hysterical. Can't wait for the Russians to try Seagal-style Aikido and realize they can't beat anyone but paid actors in a fight.
4
u/SpeedBright3671 Mar 22 '23
He would probably be more effective training them as competitive eaters so they could act as a swarm of human locusts.
4
u/imabigdave Mar 22 '23
I mean, they're running out of ammo. Makes sense to have them trained in hand to hand. But Segal doing it kinda reminds me of John Cleese's skit training a class how to defend themselves when attacked with various fruits.
5
u/Nathund Mar 22 '23
He may look like a literal traitor to our country by doing this, but in reality, he's the most obvious, yet effective, double-agent you've ever seen.
"I trained their entire army wrong, as a joke."
5
u/TerribleGramber_Nazi Mar 22 '23
Wild that’s he portrays himself as an American veteran/patriot in all his films. He even has a movie named The Patriot
4
3
8
u/bildo72 Mar 22 '23
Steven Seagal has launched an All-Russian Aikido Centre in Moscow that will primarily be used to prepare young Russians for army service.
The Hollywood actor was present at the inauguration ceremony at the Russian capital Monday, where he cut the ribbon to officially open the centre.
“I am very glad to be able to present this centre today and that aikido will develop here,” Seagal, who also serves as the head instructor of the Russian Aikido Federation, said during the inauguration. “These arts can make this world a better place.”
According to Russia’s state-affiliated media outlet Tass, the main objectives of the centre are to “increase the applied nature of aikido, develop various styles and directions of traditional and modern aikido, increase the general motivation of those involved - the opportunity to become a champion, receive a sports category, title, as well as prepare young people for service in the Russian Armed Forces.”
A sports and patriotic club is reportedly expected to start operating at the centre to “increase physical fitness” for service in the armed forces.
Seagal’s latest venture comes a few weeks after Russian President Vladimir Putin signed a decree to award the American actor with the state Order of Friendship. The decree cited Seagal’s “great contribution to the development of international cultural and humanitarian cooperation.”
The 70-year-old Seagal was awarded Russian citizenship by Putin in 2016 and has since been a regular visitor to the federation. He has also served as the Russian Foreign Ministry’s “special representative” to the United States, which led to former president Barack Obama being “flabbergasted.”
Seagal has also become a willing propagandist for the Kremlin. In August 2022, the Under Siege actor traveled to occupied eastern Ukraine, where he visited a prison camp run by Russian-backed separatists and spread Kremlin talking points.
Welp, guess we're done for now.
→ More replies
7
3
3
u/pantsfish Mar 22 '23
Yes great, that will help the Russians with all the waves of unarmed Ukranians they've been getting into hand-to-hand combat with
3
3
u/Chiraq_eats Mar 22 '23
All Seagal knows how to do is flap his hands around quickly in front of a camera, to make it sort of look like he knows what he is doing. Check out basically every one of his latest movies. They are beyond horrible.
3
u/No_Sense_6171 Mar 22 '23
I'm sure that Aikido will protect them as the grenades rain down from Ukranian drones.
3
3
3
3
u/OldBoots Mar 22 '23
If his training is as awesome as the rest of Russia's military training, this is a winning situation for the free world.
3
u/SpeedBright3671 Mar 22 '23
You'd think training them in tactics and weapons would be a better use of the short time they have left to live.... This sounds like something even trump wouldn't be dumb enough to propose.
3
u/macross1984 Mar 22 '23
I don't think the master who trained Steven Seagal in the art of Aikido will be pleased.
3
3
u/Quimby_Q_Quakers Mar 22 '23
steven-seagal-launches-aikido-centre-train-russians-service-armed-forces ... as his contribution to defeating Russia.
Because Steven Segal training an army at this point in his life would have a negative effect on the efficiency of that army.
It’d be like getting Jaba the Hut to train you in aikido.
3
u/Master_Chef_Mayo Mar 22 '23
I think he's finally self aware, and he KNOWS we laugh at him for shitting himself, he knows we think he's a fat rapist piece of shit and this is him acting out
3
u/trai_dep Mar 22 '23
Steven Seagal will be teaching Russian youth how to gain 150 of belly fat and to have a receding hairline?
Maybe it's time for Putin to take back Seagal's medal.
3
3
u/Amazing-Day965 Mar 22 '23
Fat fuck traitor training Russians in the art he perfected in Hollywood. Action role playing.
3
u/BaronVonLazercorn Mar 22 '23
They'd literally be better off doing anything else to learn how to fight
→ More replies
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
u/fumunshu Mar 22 '23
IKEA has begun production on the large amount of chairs that the infantry will need to sit in to perform Mr. Segal’s style of Akido.
3
u/MidniteMogwai Mar 22 '23
Steven Seagal going to show people how to get choked out and pee their pants while unconscious?
3
3
3.3k
u/DeadalusJones Mar 22 '23
Lol. What a surreal time to be alive.