r/worldnews
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u/KangRock
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Mar 21 '23
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Putin will be arrested if he comes to Ireland, Department of Justice says Russia/Ukraine
https://www.irishtimes.com/crime-law/courts/2023/03/21/putin-will-be-arrested-if-he-comes-to-ireland-department-of-justice-says/7.7k
u/AlbatrossVendor Mar 21 '23
Now send him the fake U2 tickets....
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u/rodc22 Mar 21 '23
There's a U-2 over his house right now. No ticket required.
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u/teutorix_aleria Mar 21 '23
Hello hello
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u/bum_is_on_fire_247 Mar 21 '23
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u/InsertEvilLaugh Mar 21 '23
I was expecting a picture of a U-2 flying with a speech bubble saying, "¡Hola!"
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u/jptrooper24 Mar 21 '23
I wonder how many kuricks Putin is??? I'd say he defo beats bono
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u/nyc24chi Mar 21 '23
Isn’t it courics? (As in Katie Couric)
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u/Cardinal_Ravenwood Mar 22 '23
1 Couric = 2.5lbs
Source: The European Fecal Standards and Measurments Board in Zürich.
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u/guinader Mar 21 '23
Wait, so the joke had a second meaning, that SHE is a piece of shit? Wow TIL
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u/nyc24chi Mar 21 '23
And that’s why we’re here. To learn shit joke nuances from one another
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u/big_duo3674 Mar 21 '23
I love that the U-2 is still a flex after decades of use with only minimal design updates. I bet even mentioning one around Putin in anything other than a negative tone would get you quickly accidented by the government there. Russia has always been super butthurt that even their modern spy planes can't come close to that level of performance
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u/DortDrueben Mar 21 '23
That's what was mind blowing to me about the whole Chinese Balloon thing... The shadow of the U-2. "We're still flying U-2s!" Had no idea.
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u/big_duo3674 Mar 22 '23
I believe it's been said for a while that they're impractical to use and quite susceptible to modern AA technology, but it's still seen (in part) as a big military flex to operate them
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u/FyreWulff Mar 22 '23
They're also extremely dangerous to fly. You go just a bit too fast, the plane departs flight and you die. You go just a little too slow, the plane departs flight and you die.
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u/cluedo_fuckin_sucks Mar 21 '23
Pilot looking through the FLIR at Putin’s palace for a positive ID:
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
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u/burgonies Mar 21 '23
That’s why he wants all his cronies to toss their iPhones. Apple will just push the tickets to your device without you asking
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u/jujukamoo Mar 21 '23
Just yesterday, in 2023 I was trying to help a friend get that U2 album off of her phone. I was able to get it off of mine right when it happened and there is a current apple support page for how to do it. Alas, it seems she's stuck with U2 until she dies.
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u/Vio_ Mar 21 '23
I had a windows phone at the time, and I loved U2.
I was one of the rare people outside in the rain looking through the window at all the people who magically got a free U2 album on their phone.
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u/Lspins89 Mar 21 '23
I was neutral towards them until then but a few yers with that being the only music on my phone (YT and Spotify for literally everything else) and having it randomly play created a deep seated hatred
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u/Vio_ Mar 21 '23
I totally understand and respect the deep problems with involuntarily downloading something onto everyone's phone.
It was just funny that I had the opposite reaction.
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u/cylonfrakbbq Mar 21 '23
Apple: let’s sell phones with limited storage, then eat up their precious storage with an album they didn’t ask for!
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u/Musk-Order66 Mar 21 '23
I worked for T-Mobile around that time. I had an HTC HD7 Windows Phone along with a Samsung Galaxy S variant (Vibrant FauxG??)
I put custom ROMs on both. Modded the hell out of them.
Eventually bought an iPhone simply because Siri was cool and I got a U2 album for fweeee (which then synced to my U2 addition classic iPod)
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u/john_the_fetch Mar 21 '23
Putin: damn it, I can't resist free U2 tickets. It's my one weakness!
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Mar 21 '23
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u/Peoplz_Hernandez Mar 21 '23
Which is a shame as he's one of four people in the world that's currently able to afford to do a full pub crawl in Dublin these days.
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u/CookPass_Partridge Mar 21 '23
Ah here cmon mister Putin now you wouldn't lend us a few quid for the gaffs would ye
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u/Ulpian02 Mar 21 '23
You know how wild would it be to have like I dunno all the G20 leaders and such just show up and do a pub crawl lol.
Don’t do it now though, zalensky will 100% show up and break old Putin in half lol
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u/Profrog888 Mar 21 '23
putin definitely wants to travel to ireland
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u/AnthillOmbudsman Mar 21 '23
He wants to buy the newest Enya CD.
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u/ban-please Mar 21 '23
He could simply go to a friendly Spanish-speaking country and get the knockoff: Eña.
Venezuela? Cuba?
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u/Dafuqucair Mar 21 '23
Congratulations Vladimir! You’ve just won a free tour of the Guinness Brewery and all the beer samples you can drink!
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u/Gnorris Mar 21 '23
“Hmm. I have always wished to kiss this Stone of Blarney I have read about… I shall accept this fine offer”
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Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 21 '23
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u/extopico Mar 21 '23
Switzerland? Nice place but it’s a parallel universe when it comes to ethics. They may even allow him to settle there.
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u/mac2o2o Mar 21 '23
The thing with Switzerland is they don't see things the same as many other other countries.
It's not just black of white to them. Or even grey.
They see things as gold.
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u/FriendlyLocalFarmer Mar 21 '23
Depends on which racist Swiss election posters you're looking at.
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u/mac2o2o Mar 21 '23
I'm unsurprised by this tbh, I'm sure their voters would. Like to live in a neutral uptopia where no immigrants live up in the mountains. That poster is wild.
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u/HildartheDorf Mar 21 '23
I found the fact that Switzerland immediately implemented sanctions on Russian trade/assets when Europe did quite telling.
They may not officially have picked a side in the conflict, but the writing went straight on the wall who they would rather be friends with if they could only pick one side. The EU/NATO, not Russia.
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u/gophergun Mar 21 '23
I'd expect any ICC signatory to honor the indictment - that's the point of being a signatory. I don't see what their neutrality in the Ukraine conflict has to do with their commitments under the Rome Statute.
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u/indigo0427 Mar 21 '23
It’s beautiful country I am sure he is tempted.
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u/Francoberry Mar 21 '23
Just imagining the scene from 'Downfall' but with Putin sat at the table.
Some big military report and his response is "at least my trip to Cootehill is still booked" and all of the soldiers start shuffling awkwardly before breaking the news
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u/BattleshipBearsBeats Mar 21 '23
Well he doesn't now.
Why did they have to release article, they could have tricked him then arrested him
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u/SXOSXO Mar 21 '23
If he comes to my street I'm going to perform a citizen's arrest on him. Just establishing that for clout, cause there's no chance he'll ever come to my street.
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u/Dunkleustes Mar 21 '23
Dat Judo though.
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u/Lotharofthepotatoppl Mar 21 '23
Well we know he’s skilled against opponents who are supposed to lose against him, but I reckon whatever skill he may once have had is past the use-by date
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u/Waterfish3333 Mar 21 '23
That’s apparently true with more than just his fighting skills.
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u/whopperlover17 Mar 21 '23
Imagine how scary it would be being that goalie
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u/Waterfish3333 Mar 21 '23
I saw a comment on either this or a similar video that mentioned how skilled the goalie had to be. He had to look like he was genuinely playing defense against almost non-shots.
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u/Soylentstef Mar 21 '23
Well done comrade, You stopped my puck ! Let me invite you and your family for some tea together.
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u/WTF_CPC Mar 21 '23
…just head up those stairs. It’s by the open window.
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u/chidestp Mar 21 '23
On the 16th floor
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u/Soylentstef Mar 21 '23
Oh no comrade! You shot yourself in the head, seventeen times! How clumsy of you!
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u/itsalonghotsummer Mar 21 '23
You have to watch it for the bit where he falls on the carpet
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u/imathrowyaaway Mar 21 '23
he’s so tiny! looks like one of the actual players brought his kid out for a skate, and the kid put on some halloween old guy mask.
I’d also feel awkward af if they’d let me score and I’d then try to act all serious, but I guess you have to be a “special” kind of person to do that.
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u/lyingliar Mar 21 '23
Whomever laid that rug on the ice mysteriously died of radiation poisoning later that month.
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Mar 21 '23
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u/Lotharofthepotatoppl Mar 21 '23
We just have to offer them sacks of money. USD, Euros, as long as it’s not Rubles it might work.
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u/Mriswith88 Mar 21 '23
Well yeah, the dude is 70 years old. Of course he's not gonna be a badass martial artist anymore.
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u/RogueYautja Mar 21 '23
If he comes to my street, I'll put my balls on his eyes
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u/joombaga Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 21 '23
I'll make him watch Star Trek TNG season 7, episode 14 "Sub Rosa".
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u/NormalStu Mar 21 '23
I'm not entirely sure that the sum of all war crimes ever committed would equate to that kind of punishment. Maybe make him watch Threshold instead.
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u/Lieutenant_Joe Mar 21 '23
Would you actually do it if he did, though? Like, if he didn’t have any bodyguards or nothin? Would you try? Purely out of curiosity.
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u/SXOSXO Mar 21 '23
I'd probably be to busy thinking about something to even notice it was really him.
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u/phate101 Mar 21 '23
Most likely you’d walk past and think to yourself “Jesus that chap really looks like that Putin fella.. now what am I having for dinner”
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u/gpouliot Mar 21 '23
Not in a million years would I as an individual try to arrest Putin even if he was alone and obviously in no position to stop me. He's literally a person who would have no issues with ordering my death via radioactive dust or some other horrible means as retaliation. Not only would I be risking my own life, I'd be risking the lives of my friends and family.
Best to ignore him or anonymously call in the authorities.
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u/MatsThyWit
Mar 21 '23
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It would be fucking hilarious if everything ends with Putin just being quietly arrested.
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u/ArterialRed Mar 21 '23
The Vimes/Ironfoundersson technique for military situations.
If only.
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u/GusSwordPirate Mar 21 '23
GNU Terry
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u/IrrationalDesign Mar 21 '23
I get to be the one to say "I just finished reading that book yesterday" and I'm not even lying.
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u/EdhelDil Mar 21 '23
The only GNU acronym I know is the recursive: "GNU is Not Unix", delivering tons of free software (free as in freedom, not free as in free beer), and the GNU foundation (by rms, Richard Manual Stallman).
What does it stand for here, please?
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u/jackoman03 Mar 21 '23
It's related to how The Clacks work in the Discword universe:
G: send the message on
N: do not log the message
U: turn the message around at the end of the line and send it back again
GNU Terry Pratchet is a way to keeping his name alive.
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u/allevat Mar 21 '23
"A person is not dead until their name ceases being spoken"... or transmitted.
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u/SandInTheGears Mar 21 '23
"Behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace" does basically sum up Putin's entire reign
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u/Moon_Pearl_co Mar 21 '23
The Ironfoundersson's willingness to be a good person.
“Something Vimes had learned as a young guard drifted up from memory. If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.
They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar.
So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.”
We need more good people like Carrot.
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u/Aggressive_Crazy_919 Mar 21 '23
Pratchett op.
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u/mercut1o Mar 21 '23
He's the absolute best, man. The estate needs to get any new adaptations just right and bring his work to this generation, it's such an important legacy.
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u/ColaEuphoria Mar 21 '23
I just started reading these books and it feels like they're everywhere, God damn.
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u/whywouldntidothis Mar 21 '23
its like the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. the cops arrive and just break the whole thing up right before the climactic battle.
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u/No-Calligrapher-718 Mar 21 '23
It's because they wanted the ending to be a literal cop-out. It's a hilarious way to end the film.
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u/shryne Mar 21 '23
His arrest would not be quiet. Countries say they would arrest him but if he actually showed up would they have the balls to execute it?
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u/Diesel_Bash Mar 21 '23
I doubt Putin's secerity force would let a foreign police organization peacefully arrest him.
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u/Houseplant666 Mar 21 '23
I just have to know how this scenario plays out in your head.
Putin decides to test this out, but to make sure they don’t touch him he also flys with six bodyguards? Or will his next visit be Military Operation 2, the air invasion of Ireland, where he lands accompanied by the surviving sixty soldiers from his air brigades?
As in, if he did go, what kind of security is he bringing the the entirety of Ireland decides ‘ehh, ain’t worth the effort they might start shooting.’
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u/jmcgit Mar 21 '23
The most likely scenario, I think, is that he’s given a stern warning that he is not welcome in Ireland, and refuse to clear him to land. If his plane lands anyway, they will have to bring him into custody with overwhelming manpower, as it’s basically an invasion.
Point is, the way this plays out is that Putin doesn’t test it. He will not go if he’s not invited.
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u/stirfrai Mar 21 '23
You've clearly never been to Ireland. We don't have overwhelming manpower here.
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Mar 21 '23
That’s Putin’s Summer tour of Ireland off the list then.
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u/NeedsMoreSpaceships Mar 21 '23
I heard he was really looking forward to kissing the Blarney Stone. He must be very upset.
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u/m703324 Mar 21 '23
His image of being lucky and untouchable is not doing well though. He's untouchable now only in his secret bunker and filming some dubious clips at night time. All these warrants are symbolic but necessary to show that he is not a big shot anymore, just a criminal as he's always been
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u/SeamusMcSpud Mar 21 '23
Sure he'd get arrested & Nolan would let him walk anways.
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u/Swift_F0x Mar 21 '23
This is somewhat significant because Ireland has long been used as a technical stop for Soviet and Russian leaders to visit Latin America.
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u/MeccIt Mar 21 '23
We couldn't get Boris off the plane, he was too pissed and undressed
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u/whooo_me Mar 21 '23
That was funny. Everyone rushing down to Shannon in order to meet him, and he was off his face and couldn’t even get off the plane.
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u/drfsupercenter Mar 21 '23
But has Putin visited Latin America since the war began?
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u/ultratunaman Mar 21 '23
Argentina is a great spot for deposed dictators to hide.
But if he's caught shopping at Swords Pavillions in Dublin while his plane refuels its game over.
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u/knollm12 Mar 21 '23
He’ll have to put that on his list of places not to go:
- Outside
- Ireland
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u/Downtown_Tadpole_817 Mar 21 '23
A message to Putins bodyguards: I bet there's a pretty big bounty on him that would set you up well in the new government. Just saying.
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u/panisch420 Mar 21 '23
why do you think so many people fell out of windows? he did some massive purging of everyone he deemed not loyal enough. and he will continue to do so if he gets as much as a hint of that. and the people know that.
im not saying it's impossible that someone would betray him at this point but the risk:reward ratio is very high, especially if you consider that not only them but also their families are on the line.
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u/Remember_TheCant Mar 21 '23
He has killed a lot of people loyal to him. There is a point where that erodes all loyalty
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u/panisch420 Mar 21 '23
i dont disagree. it's a dangerous game he is playing.
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u/Flying_Spaghetti_ Mar 21 '23
You should read about the dictators trap. It more accurately describes what you are getting at.
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u/panisch420 Mar 21 '23
i think ive heard of it.
it's about being too paranoid and ending up with no allies, i assume?
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u/al_pacappuchino Mar 21 '23
Prigozjin aint gonna hold any of Putins cronies around after he makes his move…
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u/Downtown_Tadpole_817 Mar 21 '23
Shhhh. We just need them to turn him over. Who cares what happens to his minions.
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u/THAErAsEr Mar 21 '23
We should. Putin dissappearing would just mean that another dictator gets to power, possibly crazy enough to do worse shit
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u/SeekerSpock32 Mar 21 '23
Imprison him in the rare hole, the rattlin’ hole in the bog down in the valley-o.
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u/phormix Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 21 '23
Personally, I'd go for "bottom of an outhouse with a large basin in Ukraine"
Ukrainians can use at least once for free. Foreign visitors pay with proceeds towards reconstructing. Profitable chili stand nearby.
Edit: punctuation
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u/bpon89 Mar 21 '23
Let’s keep the momentum going , let every country declare Putin will be arrested if he comes to visit.
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u/APulsarAteMyLunch Mar 21 '23
At this point even the mole people will arrest him if he decides to use the tunnels
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u/Wu-kandaForever Mar 21 '23
Is this a slight against Mole-People? They have opposed facists since day 1
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u/19k-wal82 Mar 21 '23
Putin will be arrested if he comes to Mars, department of justice says.
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u/Tommah Mar 21 '23
Am only here to liberate Russian-speaking peoples of Ireland. Kremlin go bragh
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u/AprilMaria Mar 21 '23
Which fuckin prick told him about the Russian language school in Limerick? Well at least the tanks will sink in the bogs around Carrickerry before he gets to Aughanish Alumina and there's too many Balts working in AIBP for him to chance coming the main road by rathkeale they'd eat him..
Thinking about it now actually he may as well we'd hardly notice there's enough addidas & vodka out here in the first place all we'd have is a change of accent.
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u/EVASIVEroot
Mar 21 '23
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Cool, anyways. That took the chances of him going to Ireland from 0.0% to 0.00%
Now we need all the other countries to say this for no reason so we can get more stupid news articles!
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u/CreepingFog Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 21 '23
Brace yourself for one article per 1st world country
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u/occono Mar 21 '23
Well it was the Irish Times that asked the government first, if they declined to comment that would get its own headlines.
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u/huruga Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 22 '23
The only one I’d care about is the USA because it’d be a fundamental shift in foreign policy. The USA has never recognized the ICC (Well it kinda did but then immediately did a 180) but if it declared its intent to make an arrest on US soil on behalf of the ICC that’d be an actual story, even if there is zero chance the arrest would ever happen.
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u/JunkieMallardEIRE Mar 21 '23
Yeah it's a total bullshit take. The last Ruzzian president to come here was Yeltsin and he was too pissed up to even get off the plane. I highly doubt Putin was planning a trip to the Cliffs of Moher any time soon.
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u/eggsandbacon5 Mar 21 '23
Im having a birthday party soon and I can assure you Putin is NOT invited
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u/AnT-aingealDhorcha40 Mar 21 '23
I'm from Ireland. I know this is a BS article. Yeah hang on there as a nation with a tiny malfunctioning military arrests a world leader. Lol don't take any notice anybody it's a load of bollix.
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u/danirijeka Mar 21 '23
a nation with a tiny malfunctioning military arrests a world leader
Arrest? I was thinking about giving him something pricey to put on and let him loose around Citywest. /s
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u/1_800_Drewidia Mar 21 '23 edited Mar 21 '23
What do you mean? Grandpa Joe and Uncle Colm are out there right now checking every cab station in Donegal for the bastard. They’ll catch him!
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u/Weak-Commercial3620 Mar 21 '23
Just need someone to go to moscow to anex Russia and than arrest Putin
where is napoleon if you need him?
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u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 •
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