r/relationship_advice Jan 26 '23 Beating Heart Super Heart Eyes Wholesome (Pro) You Dropped This Gold Take My Energy Heartwarming Wholesome Seal of Approval

/r/all (Update) I (35m) was incarcerated and lost touch with (33f). I contacted her, and she responded.


Previous post is here. The short version is that I was wondering whether I should try to contact my former girlfriend after I went to prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people gave very good advice on how to do that.

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered advice or kind words. I had spent so long feeling ashamed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they knew. I had barely discussed it with anyone before, except my dad and people whose job it is to help me (lawyers, therapist, etc.), and I was very surprised to be met with so much compassion from a bunch of complete strangers. Thank you, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that’s the least I can do in return.

I sent Daria a message the evening after I made my post. It was something like: «I don’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hello and thought I would give you my new contact information in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that’s completely fine too.» I left her my mobile number and email address, wished her well, and that was that. I knew it might be a while before she responded, if she responded at all. So I tried to put it out of my mind.

Early monday morning, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number from the country where Daria lives. Who else would ever be calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time.

She asked a few times if it was really me, and I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying. At first she called me by the very affectionate version of my name she used to. But then she quickly apologised and corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It was an awkward phone call, but not in a bad way. I was extremely nervous, and it seemed like she was too. But happy, also.

Some of you mentioned that Daria would want to know that I was safe, and this was more true than I could have guessed. Because unrest in my country increased a lot during the last year I was in prison, she was afraid that they would decide to quietly kill me rather than let me go. There are documented cases of other prisoners like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, so it wasn’t a totally unreasonable worry.

She also said she repeatedly tried to send me parcels of supplies and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected without explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. She told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more. I had no idea she had done any of that. I do know that it was not a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable.

She didn’t seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn’t. We changed the subject to more lighthearted things: our jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a new country, etc. When she arrived at work and had to end the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue talking through a messaging app. Obviously I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. We sent messages throughout the day, and she even interrupted her commute home to send me a picture of a restaurant modelled after one of my favourite books, just because she thought I would like it. She told me that she thought of me every time she saw it, but unfortunately the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid she wouldn’t remember me, but she even remembers the things I liked to read? She remembers a lot of little things, even stuff I forgot.

We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish work at night, until she gets too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I’m 24 and she’s texting me from a few blocks away, as if the next thing she might ask is what’s for dinner. Other times it seems like we’re trying to will dead versions of ourselves back to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we’ve lost. She seems a lot more timid than she used to, more passive, which I suppose makes sense. Sometimes I worry about how much I’ve changed, and that maybe she won’t find anything left in me that’s worthy of her. But if I could express in words what it feels like to hear her laugh, I could explain that there’s also a lot that we know very well. She hasn’t lost her kindness, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and I still care about her. I know that rebuilding a friendship after all that’s happened will take lots of patience, and I have plenty to spare. I’m just happy to have the chance to get to know her again.

This morning, Daria asked if I want to have a video call sometime this weekend. I agreed, but I’m ashamed to admit that as much as I want to see her, I’m very nervous. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey player. (Fortunately, I will qualify for healthcare insurance soon and be able to have it fixed.) I lost weight that I haven’t put back on, and I see an old man in the mirror. I’m also worried that I will get very emotional when I see her, and embarrass myself that way. I don’t really cry in front of people. I’m not used to it, and this doesn’t seem like a good occasion to start. Aside from not wanting to appear pitiful, I don’t want her to feel forced to comfort me. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated.

Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful to everyone who gave me the little push of courage I needed to send her that message. A thousand times, thank you.

TL;DR: I sent a message to my former partner, she was thrilled to receive it, and we have been happily getting to know each other once again.

Edit: Just to clarify, she doesn’t have a husband or kids. As I said in my first post, I only considered contacting her because there was no evidence of a partner on her social media. But I understand that my first post wasn’t visible for a while, so I can see why that may not have been obvious. Sorry for the confusion.

r/relationship_advice Jun 24 '20 Gold Take My Energy Press F GOAT

/r/all My girlfriend [21F] of 18 months asked my [22M] preference about her pubic hair and now finds me "revolting"


So yesterday my girlfriend casually asked me how I prefer pubic hair to be groomed. She usually keeps hers short, but neat. I assumed she was just looking to change things up and wanted my opinion so I answered honestly and said that I find completely shaven attractive, but in the grand scheme of things I couldn't care less, it's not a turn off if there's hair, and that I like the way she has it now.

Well it turns out she had had a lecture today at college (she studies psychology) and the topic was on peadophiles. Apparently one of the talking points was that pedophiles are attracted to the lack of body hair.

When she told me this, I asked her "are you seriously calling me a pedophile because I find completely shaven attractive?! Can I just point out that you're 21 and not 12?" She basically skirted around my questions and then stormed out of my apartment when I kept pressing her on it. As she left she called me revolting and is now ignoring my calls and text messages.

What. The. Fuck.

Honestly not even sure where to go from here. We've never had any issues and was planning on proposing in the next year. Where has this even come from?!

TL;DR: Girlfriend pretty much called me a pedo because I told her I liked shaved pussy when she asked me my preference.

r/relationship_advice Jun 29 '20 Hugz Excited Silver Helpful Wholesome Snek

/r/all My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie?


Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hjkgnj/update_my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

God this is a doozy. I swear my life feels like a movie right now. Sorry for the weird formatting, I'm on mobile and this is my first time posting on a sub like this.

I (28M) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26F). Now, I suck at picking out jewelry. Im the type of guy that doesn't see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so ugly?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends. My girl's best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I'm used to.

When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name). Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me. So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring.

Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store. However, I didn't know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she'd be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.

She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping. Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house. I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.

It isn't out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She's a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly. So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.

When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it's been really hard to act like everything's fine. We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she's caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can't tell her what. Looking at her kills me.

I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me. I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying, I'd have to explain why, and I really don't want to do that. What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don't know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won't stop gnawing at me. Please help!

Edit: I'm sorry for the lack of responses, it's been a hectic day and there's a lot of comments. Thank you to everyone who has commented so far, I appreciate them all!!

Edit #2: sorry again for the lack of responses, guys. It's really been a crazy day. My parents are moving and I've been helping them. Also, I've never experienced this many comments on a post in my life!! I am going to talk to her tonight once we're both finally settled in after such a busy day, and I will update tomorrow.

r/relationship_advice Jul 25 '20 Silver Wholesome Take My Energy Ally Crab Rave Buff Doge It's Cute! Keep Calm Take My Power Original Healthcare Hero Gold I'll Drink to That Timeless Beauty Hugz Platinum Cool Summer Helpful I'm Deceased Wholesome Seal of Approval Bless Up Narwhal Salute Bravo Grande! Rocket Like Super Heart Eyes This Faith In Humanity Restored

/r/all My (22M) vegan girlfriend (21F) wants me to get rid of my cat. UPDATE


Original post:


TL;DR My gf is a passionate vegan and wants me to get rid of my beloved cat because cats eat meat and kill mice.

First of all, let me say thank you for everyone who offered advice. There are over 7,000 comments on my original post and I have dozens of PMs. Frankly I'm still pretty overwhelmed with the magnitude of the response. I did my best to read most everyone's comments but obviously I couldn't get to everything!

I would also like to preempt this post by saying, as many users pointed out, that my GFs extreme views on domestic cats are not representative of the vegan/vegetarian community as a whole. I do think that, sometimes, new vegans can be a little overzealous. In reality, most of us are just doing the best that we can to not hurt animals! I did not expect to generate a big debate in the comments.

So, we broke up, obviously. I would never, ever give up my cat Mittens. Many users said that this situation was about control, not veganism, and looking back, I do see a pattern of control on my GFs part. I was blind to it I guess.

I called my GF and said I was not willing to give up Mittens under any circumstances, and given the recent issues we'd had, and our incompatible views, I thought it was best that we parted ways. I said she deserved a partner that shared her values. She then asked if we were breaking up, I said yes. There was some anger on her end but otherwise the situation actually went better than I expected.

So, yeah. That's really it.

Oh, and several users did ask to see a picture of Mittens. I have uploaded one to imgur:


Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. It really helped.

r/relationship_advice Jul 01 '20 Take My Energy Snek Rocket Like I am disappoint Ally Heartwarming Hugz Bravo Grande! Wholesome (Pro) Helpful LOVE! It's Cute! Gold All-Seeing Upvote Bravo! Super Heart Eyes Platinum Faith In Humanity Restored Silver hehehehe Wholesome Seal of Approval Excited Wholesome I'm Deceased I'd Like to Thank... Hugz Yas Queen Made Me Smile 'MURICA

/r/all UPDATE: My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie?


Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hi97h9/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey guys! Oh my god, where to begin! My last post got WAY more attention than I could have ever imagined. Suffice to say, it was a tad bit overwhelming. Seriously, the amount of people begging for an update was a bit dehumanizing in a way. Like I wasn't a person going through something, but more so a "story". But I understand, haha.

I just want to say thank you so so so much for all of the support and wonderful comments. I got a lot of great advice that helped me tackle the issue head on. I also got a lot of really really kind comments and messages. It was awesome.

I also got a lot of comments that made me realize how toxic this sub can be. There were MANY comments that just said things like "she's cheating, it's over" and "don't even confront her, just leave". It's advice like that that can ruin relationships that just need a little work.

And thank you to the people that told me to hit my girlfriend, told me I was an embarrassment to my gender, and best of all, told me I should encourage an affair because it would lead to great experiences for me later in life. You gave me a good chuckle.


I decided to confront my girlfriend. I thought about using some of the lies people suggested, but they just wouldn't make sense. To say I ran into Justine somewhere: well, I told my girl I had to stay home and do stuff around the house, and that's why I couldn't go with her to see my SIL. To say Justine was helping me pick out jewelry: it doesn't make sense for her to come all the way to our house to help me pick out a piece of jewelry unless it was a serious piece of jewelry (like an engagement ring). If I just wanted to get her a piece of jewelry as a gift, I'd ask her friends for suggestions or ask them to send me pictures of jewelry she might like. It all happens over text. None of the excuses made sense. So, I decided to be honest.

I basically just said that I knew we'd been thinking about marriage and she probably knew a proposal was coming soon so I invited Justine over to help me find her the perfect ring, and that so happened to be the day that she said she was going to see her, so... what's the deal?

She immediately started grinning like an idiot and prodding me about proposing and the ring, but then we got back onto the topic of where she was and she confessed what she was really doing. No, she wasn't cheating, and no, she wasn't picking out a ring for me (the amount of times that was commented was crazy).

So, some people are dog people and some people are cat people. Well, me, I'm a snake person. I grew up with snakes my whole life. But I never felt I was able to get one because my girlfriend has always been uneasy about living with a snake which I completely respected. Also, the process of buying and raising a snake is very different than that of buying and raising a dog or cat. It's quite complicated. So you could imagine my surprise when my girlfriend showed me a picture of her holding the cutest Kenyan sand boa I have EVER SEEN!

Needless to say, my girlfriend was going to surprise me with a snake! We're picking her up next week (let me know if you want a pet tax, she's so cute). I definitely did not expect this and I feel bad for ruining the surprise, but oh well. Life is good! Sorry if this isn't the ending you guys wanted or expected, just a snake haha. Thanks for reading!!

TLDR: snake

Edit #2: did you guys really award me 130 snek awards... I love reddit

r/relationship_advice Jul 16 '20 Ally Tree Hug Doot 🎵 Doot Fireworks Gold Platinum Bless Up I'm Deceased Take My Power Faith In Humanity Restored Silver Narwhal Salute Hugz Yas Queen Rocket Like Crab Rave Bravo! Helpful (Pro) Timeless Beauty Wholesome (Pro) Plus One Home Time All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

/r/all My boyfriend isn’t okay with me being promiscuous in the past. [Update]


Update to: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hqzpmb/my_boyfriend_isnt_okay_with_me_being_promiscuous/

Thank you for all the advice. I ended up bringing it up yesterday and it instantly turned into an argument again. He asked me why I’m defending ‘thots’ so much yet again. Asking me why I cared so much about what he thought about woman who sleep around. He then went on to say I should of known better than to sleep with so much guys and that I ‘knew what I was doing’. He said I was straight up a thot in my past but he loves me and is willing to look past it. Yeah no. I stood my ground and said I can’t be with anyone who sees woman like that and that I wasn’t going to let him talk to me like that. I broke things off and he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him and that turned into a whole new argument about how I ain’t ‘loyal’ and I ain’t no ‘ride or die’ chick. I also blocked him on all my socials and he is still making accounts to contact me on. Definitely made the right decision to end things.

Also to the people who messaged me saying he was right and that I deserved to be dumped. That nobody likes a used up chick, and many other unkind words, it was so unnecessary and I hope you step on a lego.

Edit: Typos and Thank you for the rewards. ❤️

r/relationship_advice Jun 30 '20 Silver Gold Press F Snek Lawyer Up Mind Blown I am disappoint Hugz

/r/all My wife (33f) is denying we're married and wants to be called my 'girlfriend'... I'm confused


My wife (33f) and I (29m) have been married four years now, coming on five. We have generally had a good relationship and a good marriage.

We had a reasonably expensive wedding, which we're still paying for now. I get the bill every month to prove it. My wife took charge of planning the wedding, so it was to her tastes. She seemed to enjoy it at the time and for the first few years of our marriage, she would look back at the wedding with me happily and without issues.

In recent months I've noticed my wife's attitude to a) our wedding and b) our marriage itself shift. It began by her (I thought jokingly) referring to herself as my 'girlfriend'. She told me to buy her a 'girlfriend' card for Valentine's Day rather than a 'wife' one, for example.

I thought she was just playing around at first. But this behaviour has only escalated. Two months ago my wife stopped wearing her wedding ring. I was understandably upset and asked her if there was something wrong. She told me everything was fine and she just 'doesn't the sensation of jewellery on her hands'. My wife has never liked rings and jewellery so this could be the case.

But when we are with friends, my wife will get upset if I talk about her as 'my wife' rather than just a girlfriend. She will go as far to interrupt me if I'm talking/telling a story to 'correct' me on our relationship. Initially, this was something our friends laughed at, but now everybody just finds it understandably awkward.

One of our friends was talking about their own wedding, which is scheduled for early next year. They asked for advice from my wife about how she'd planned ours and my wife responded with 'what wedding?'. When our friend continued talking about the table decorations my wife had used, my wife visibly teared up in front of the whole group and had to step outside.

Later that evening, I asked her directly if she has a problem with our relationship or if I'm doing something wrong in our marriage. She assured me that everything is fine between us. From my perspective, outside of this issue, our relationship is as strong as ever. We are considering kids in the near future, our sex life is great, and my wife recently suggested we get matching tattoos as a renewal of our love.

Is there advice anyone can offer on why my wife might be acting like this and what I should do?

r/relationship_advice Sep 09 '20 Heartwarming Bless Up Healthcare Hero Hugz Gold Wholesome Wearing is Caring Rocket Like Excited Platinum Wholesome (Pro) Helpful Take My Energy Tearing Up I'll Drink to That I'd Like to Thank... Faith In Humanity Restored

/r/all UPDATE: My wife gave birth to a (biracial)baby that clearly isn't mine, and I'm divorcing her. But I'm worried about the relationship between my two kids and their new half-sister.


Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/in7j0h/my_wife_gave_birth_to_a_blackbaby_that_clearly/

Unfortunately my last post was locked, but I received a lot of helpful PMs from people. I'm particularly thankful for those who've lived through a similar situation(or have family and friends who've done so) and sent me advice on how this affected them and how to navigate the situation. I'd also like to thank the hundreds of mouthbreathing bigots who spammed my inbox.

The big takeaway for me was that if I'd need to lead by example here, not excluding her in any way because of her paternity so that she and my sons would see her as a full member of the family. Also that I need to be more active in confronting the bigoted and ignorant nonsense I've been hearing, and teach my sons to do the same to protect their sister. I've spoken to some of those responsible since and made clear my feelings on this, and that she is to be treated as a member family, and that if I ever find out that they've said things like that to my sons or their sister that they won't be allowed around us anymore.

I've spoken to my wife about this, and we're more or less on the same page. She's been begging me to forgive her and not go through the divorce, but that's not going to happen. Even if I didn't consider the cheating unforgivable, I just dont feel any love for her any more, other then a platonic affection for her as the mother of my children.

My sons are handling this as well as can be expected. The 4 year old doesn't fully understand, but is upset by the change in the household, thankfully he's easily distracted. The 2 year old is thankfully too young to comprehend what's going on, but has definitely picked up on how withdrawn his mother has become. They're both fascinated with their new little sister, so there's that silver lining.

My wife OTOH isn't in good shape at all. She was depressed even before the birth, and now with everything- our divorce, her infidelity being revealed and the backlash from family and friends, PPD, and the exhaustion from raising an infant- she's barely functional. She's seeing a therapist, and I've been pressuring some of our family and friends to be supportive of her because even if they think she deserves it her current state is making it harder for me and our children.

It's become very obvious to me that even after the divorce is finalized we're going to have to live together for a while longer. She's in no shape to be taking care of three kids without someone else around to support her, and I'm not willing to deprive her of her sons by seeking sole custody. It's also too difficult financially, since she's lost her job because of COVID.

As for the baby girl, she's healthy and fairly easy by baby standards. Since I've been helping care for her, I've bonded with her and I've discussed the possibility of adopting her with my wife. She can't contact the father, as the only thing she knows about him is his first name. And given our coparenting situation it feels like adopting her as my daughter would be the best outcome for all involved-

HOWEVER, there's been a wrench thrown in that plan. It was brought to my attention that there may be a way of finding the baby's father, namely by having her DNA tested by AncestryDNA. If the father or one of his relatives has also taken the test, we may be able to find him through there DNA match database.

If I'm being completely honest I'm not happy about this. I've already started to think of the baby girl as my daughter, and having him in our lives would massively complicate the family dynamic. Plus we live in Seattle and she met him in Philadelphia, so god knows how they'd even make it work if he wanted to be the kid's father.

However, I recognize that this is a selfish reaction. If we have a chance of finding her biological father we owe it to her do so, if only so that she has access to her paternal medical history and so that she can have a relationship with him if and when she chooses to do so. I've read a few accounts by children raised by non-biological parents and a common thread is their desire to meet their lost biological parent, so thats that. We've ordered an AncestryDNA kit for her, and I guess we'll decide our next steps once we get the results back in a couple of months.

r/relationship_advice Aug 07 '20 Take My Energy Wearing is Caring Evil Cackle I'm Deceased Bless Up (Pro) Hugz Spit-take Coin Gift

/r/all My girlfriend said something to me yesterday that felt like a punch to the gut


Me (17m) and my girlfriend (also 17) have been going out 8 and a bit months. We didn't have sex together straight away and first did it only a few weeks ago. I was a virgin before that so I'm not experienced at all and so far I've not been able to make her cum.

Before dating me, my gf was dating my brother. It was awkward at first but we're all okay now. Anyway so last night I tried my best to make her cum but in the end she told me to "just stop" so I did. Then she said "your brother turned me on so much more than you do". I was so shocked by her saying that I didn't know what to say back. She got dressed and left the house and we haven't spoken yet.

I just feel so confused about how I feel. I know I'm not as attractive as my brother but I didn't think she would say that. Am I just being a baby and getting upset over nothing? I understand she's probably fed up and she might have just said it in the moment.

r/relationship_advice Jul 07 '20 Mind Blown Hugz Gold Take My Energy Helpful (Pro) Wholesome (Pro) Fireworks Hugz Bravo! I'd Like to Thank... All-Seeing Upvote This Bless Up Faith In Humanity Restored Silver Helpful Super Heart Eyes Wholesome Seal of Approval Rocket Like Ally Santa Nice Home Time Made Me Smile LOVE! 1UP It's Cute! Platinum Wholesome

/r/all Update: My (32F) husband (36M) became a robot and I don’t know how to help him.



Hey everybody, here’s the update. I wrote this a couple days ago but couldn’t post it because it was too soon.

My husband came home at around 6 o’clock, and after he had something to eat I took him to the bedroom to talk.

I sat him down on the bed and told him I was worried about him. I didn’t know exactly how to phrase my worries so I just showed him my original post.

When he finished reading the post he starting crying, like full on crying. In all the years that I have known this man, I had never seen a tear roll down his eye. I held him for a few minutes until he could recompose himself, and he told me everything.

He told me that the world was in a “shitty place” right now, and that we’re bringing a child into a stressful time.

He said when I became pregnant he felt he had to step up. He needed to take care of things because it was his responsibility.

He said that the weight of carrying the family was so much harder than he anticipated so he thought if he “doubled down” he could get through it. But the more he tried the “darker the tunnel got” and eventually he couldn’t see an end.

He said that he feels like he’s “constantly drowning, and the only breath of fresh air is on the car ride between home and work.”

He said that sometimes the stress is so much that he throws up, but doesn’t tell anyone and instead keeps going with his day. He then pulled out a pack of gum from his pocket and said “this was for when it happens.”

I asked him why he couldn’t tell me any of this, and he said he didn’t want to “burden me with the truth.”

He said that, he thought if he told me everything, that I would stop seeing him as a “protecter and provider”, and that I would inevitably stop loving him.

Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t know where he got the notion I would feel that way.

I asked him if he wanted to quit his job but surprisingly he said the job doesn’t bother him. He said the work in of it self was fine. It’s just now he feels an added weight to provide because not only was he fortunate enough to keep his job in the pandemic, but we also had a kid on the way.

He said that some days he feels like packing a suit case and running to some tropical island for a week and not telling anyone. But then he feels guilty and doubles down even more.

I told him that maybe he should go on a trip. I said that he deserved a break, and maybe if he did exactly that he’d feel better. He tried to protest, but I insisted. In the end said that he’ll only go, if we go together. Like a romantic get away between spouses.

Once things start to clear up and before the baby is due, he wants to take a week off from work, drop the kids off at Grandma’s house and have us go on a vacation. Just the two of us, like we used to when we first got married.

He also said he wants to take the day off tomorrow and just sleep in, so that’s the plan. I’ll call his boss tomorrow and say that he’s sick and can’t come in, it’s not like they’ll make a sick man come in to work. There’s a pandemic going on :).

Right now he’s playing with the kids and it doesn’t feel like he’s doing one of his chores. He actually seems to be enjoying himself.

For the first time in months I don’t see the robot, I see my husband.

Edit: Hey everyone, I want to thank you all for the support. I read all of your comments, and I appreciate all of you.

I didn’t expect this to get so much traction, so I want to clarify some things.

First things first, my husband says hi.

  1. I wanted to clarify about the chores people are taking about. I want to say that I know as a SAHM the bulk of chores goes to me. I cook and clean and do laundry because I know it’s my responsibility. My husband’s only chores are doing dishes, vacuuming every three days, and a few other “house maintenance” stuff.

  2. I did in fact call in sick for my husband, but I made sure that I said he had a migraine. I saw on google that it wasn’t a symptom of COVID if it was an isolated symptom. His boss was okay with it and said he can come back whenever he feels better.

  3. The pregnancy wasn’t an accident. We both did want to have 3 kids because we were both raised in 3 kid families. We actively tried for the first 2, but for baby number 3 it was kind of a “if it happens it happens” kind of thing. We’re both happy with the amount of kids we have/ will have and are hopefully done. We are not considering abortion nor adoption.

  4. We realize that a one week vacation isn’t enough to get rid of his stress and are both trying to come up with a solution that alleviates his stress in a more sustainable way. Right now we’re thinking about setting up an hour or 2 a day that’s, “daddy’s time.” No kids, no me, no work. Just for him to relax.

  5. To those of you who think this fake; there isn’t any way I can change your minds about this situation so I’m not really too bothered. I just hope you this never happens to you guys.

You all have been supportive and really a wonderful bunch of people. I really think we can get through this, and it wouldn’t have been possible without you guys.

I’m not going to reply to comments because, like last time, it’s an overwhelming amount. But just know I’m reading these as they come in.

Goodnight everyone, it’s been great.

r/relationship_advice Jul 12 '20 Hugz Hugz Take My Energy Press F Stonks Rising Rocket Like I am disappoint Home Time

/r/all I(23M) found a sextape on my girlfriend's(23F) phone. And it wasn't ours.


I've been dating this girl for over 5 years. She's very special to me. Even at this point, I can't help but hope she's not too worried about why I've been acting so oddly. I honestly was planning to marry her sometime in the future as soon as we settled into our adult lives.

One day we were chilling at her house when I asked her if she could send me the funny picture she took earlier that day of one of our puppies. She was busy on her pc so she told me to just grab her phone to send it to myself. When I went into her phone gallery I noticed a "hidden" folder which I hadn't seen before. out of curiousity I opened it. It was filled with her nudes. Most I've already seen. Some of which she's never sent to me before. I thought maybe she was stockpiling for whenever I asked for any. I clicked on a video. It was a sextape. It was from the POV of the guy but the thing is. I dont remember ever filming it. It 100% wasnt me. trust me, i know what my own schlong looks like. My girlfriend recorded having sex with another man.

For the last 5 years. We've had a few share of fights, but nothing too serious. She'd always make me feel loved and I could tell she really cares about me. Or at least I thought she did. After I returned her phone to her, I quickly got up and went home. I couldn't stay there any longer. And now I'm here. I dont really know what to do. I'm planning on confronting her and breaking it off but right now I'm just so in shock. 5 years down the drain. and I feel like I just lost my best friend. I'm not really sure how to feel. I can't think straight. What would be the best way to handle this situation?

r/relationship_advice Sep 29 '20 Hugz Party Train Tearing Up Rocket Like I'll Drink to That Bless Up I'm Deceased Silver Platinum Coin Gift Doot 🎵 Doot Timeless Beauty Bless Up (Pro) Excited Yas Queen Gold Wholesome Take My Energy Ally Heartwarming This Wholesome (Pro) Faith In Humanity Restored Cool Summer Helpful Wholesome Seal of Approval

/r/all yesterday I froze during sex and my girlfriend asked if we should stop, I said yes and she backed off. I've never been treated like this before.


I am 23(M) and I've been raped before. Twice. I've been sexually assaulted too and this has affected me and subsequent relationships a lot. 2 days ago my girlfriend (23) was in my lap and we were making out and suddenly the images of rape came into my mind and I froze. She obviously sensed it and asked if everything was okay but I couldn't answer and I'd begun to sweat. She got of my lap and asked if I wanted to talk but i still couldn't say anything. Then she asked if she should leave the room and I gave a small nod. She just grabbed her phone from the table and left. This has never happened with me. Nobody has listened to my no before. It feels weird, different ? I don't know.

Next morning when I woke up she had made breakfast and left me a note saying if I wanted to talk I could call her anytime. She came over after work and I thanked her for listening to me, I was almost in tears. She welled up too and said no obviously means no, but hesitation means no too. And that she would never knowingly hurt me. I've never been treated like this before. My parents were shit, and almost every relationship I've had (3) were also similarly shit.

But she's different, she's been my rock when I've fallen low, she cooks for me because she wants me to be healthy, she leaves notes of affirmation all over the house for me to find and is generally the most genuine amazing person I've ever met. I want to show my gratitude to her and want to tell her how much she means to me but I don't know how ? Also it's still weighing on me how my say matters to her. Never in my life have I ever been treated this way.

So how do I tell how much she means to me ? And will I stop feeling this way ?

EDIT:- oh my god, y'all. I never expected this kind of response! I'm trying to read through them all but thank you so much!

To clarify a few things, almost everyone who commented suggested therapy. Therapy is super expensive and I'm already working to pay for school but yes I've started therapy, it's been about 5 months now. Just taking baby steps here.

Secondly y'all gave a ton of good ideas but I think I'm gonna write her a letter and maybe arrange for a small picnic for the two of us. I know she'll love it.

For those saying I should propose, that's definitely the plan, just not now.

And to those who shared their (similar) Experiences, thank you. It gave me an insight and I hope things look up for you.

And for all those who said I'm a 'pussy' for getting raped or I'm lying, I'm sorry but I can't make y'all believe me. I hope y'all feel better after this.b

Again, thank you so much for your kind comments. Y'all are amazeballs.

r/relationship_advice May 29 '20 Silver Got the W

/r/all I [46M] promised my son [18M] that his mother and I would match whatever he saved for a car upon his high school graduation. He ended up with a lot more than we could have predicted, and now we don’t know what to do.


When he turned 16 and got his license, we allowed him to use an old car from a relative. At that time, my son had around $5k in savings. We made him a promise saying that we’d match whatever he ended up with at graduation. Reasonably, we thought he’d maybe double that to $10k through jobs and we’d match for a reasonable $20k car.

He now has $35k to use for a car. He said he did have a little over $10k but that he bought smart stock options in April and now will have around $35k after tax (personally I don’t think he did anything besides get stupid lucky).

He is insisting that we follow through with our promise and match that. Financially, it’s not a huge dent for us since he also surprised us with a nice merit scholarship (that he did earn). The problem arises in that we really don’t want to break the promise we made to him, but we also strongly believe that an 18 year old driving around in a SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLAR car is a very bad idea. He can’t even take it to school until his sophomore year, and the insurance on that will be a nightmare.

What I am asking is, would the better course of action be to break the promise, and likely face resentment? Or keep it and cough up the money?

Thanks in advance for the advice.

Edit: Talked about it with my wife; we are considering a couple of avenues atm including trust or maybe fixed income until it can be used for med school. My son uses Reddit and considering that this is on r/all now, I’m just waiting for him to see it and burst into my home office room.

Edit2: He’s super duper close with his girlfriend. I told her, and she said she’d talk him out of it. Personally, I totally understand where my son is coming from. I wanted a car like that at that age too, and my parents did end up indulging just a little bit, but now I can see how it was a waste of money. I only used it for two years. I’ll make an update post in a few days about what happens.

r/relationship_advice May 23 '20 Mind Blown Healthcare Hero Excited Silver Gold Take My Power Hugz Helpful Take My Energy Yikes

/r/all My [36M] wife [34F] keeps tying my boots after I've told her to keep her hands off of them. I tried to teach her a lesson and really hurt her feelings.


Yes, I know the title is bizarre and I can't believe I'm actually writing this. My wife is a neat freak. Always has been. She throws notes on my desk out assuming they're garbage, my belongings get rearranged to the point where it takes me hours to find them, it's something I've come to accept. I'm not happy about it, but we have a pretty happy marriage on the whole.

I am a volunteer EMT, and I keep my boots unlaced up against the wall next to my clothes hamper so that I can throw them on along with my uniform if a call comes in during the middle of the night. Well, my wife has taken to tying the boot laces when she sees them untied. Not only does she tie them, but she tightens them and double knots them to the point where I need to undo the knot, open up the boots, and let a little slack out to fit my feet into them. I ignored it the first two times, but the third time she did it, I made it a point to bring up to her the next day.

I very calmly said, "Hun, I appreciate that you want everything neat, but please do not touch my boots in the future. Time is of the essence when I'm going on a call and at 2 in the morning I don't have the time to unlace them and open them up. It's not just a minor inconvenience, it's people's lives, so I would appreciate it if you left them alone."

She rolled her eyes, said I was being dramatic, and that she wouldn't help me out by keeping my things neat in the future.

Well she never stopped. No matter how many times I've asked her, told her, begged her; she just laughs and says, "Well you know how I am!"

The other night a page went out for a CPR in progress. I went to throw my boots on and they were, once again, tightened beyond recognition. So I'm sitting there on the edge of the bed, cursing, trying to get my boots open, and fumbling due to the stress of the situation.

My wife opened her eyes, groggily looked at me, and asked, "Don't you need to go on that call?"

I know I was in the wrong here, and I regret it. I slammed the boot into the ground and yelled, "Yes! I do! I would have been out the door five minutes ago, except SOME STUPID MOTHERFUCKER FUCKED WITH MY GODDAMN BOOTS AGAIN!"

My wife got up without another word, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. I got my boots open and went on the call. By the time we arrived, the police had gotten her back, so I didn't have to do CPR, but I was sweating and shaking thinking my delay could have cost a life.

I got home and my wife wasn't talking to me. She ignored me the entire day until we finally sat down and talked. She said I had scared her with how angry I got, that she thought I was going to hit her, and she didn't know I was capable of getting so angry. Note: I have never raised a hand to her, nor have I ever yelled at her before; I am absolutely not a violent person in any way shape or form.

I apologized for yelling at her, and acknowledged that I hadn't meant to snap at her, I was frustrated with the situation as I needed to get to the person in need of CPR as soon as possible and it was a delay that didn't need to happen. I, once again, pleaded with her not to touch my boots because lives were literally on the line.

She told me that if I was going to overreact and make her afraid then she would never touch my boots again because she didn't want to live like that.

Last night, before I got into bed, I had a sinking feeling, so I went over and checked my boots. I was very disappointed to find them tightened up again. So I decided to show her how it felt. I went over to her closet and pulled out her running shoes. I unlaced the shoelaces on both of them, removed them from the shoes completely, curled them each into a little coil, put them inside the shoes, and put them back. I then went to sleep.

At 6:15 I was woken up by my wife screaming, "How could you!? Why would you do this?" holding up both laceless shoes with tears in her eyes. My wife likes to go for an early morning run and I knew she would want to get out the door as soon as possible.

I smiled and said, "You know how I am! I just like things neat!" She continued sobbing and walked out of the room. So, by the time she was all laced up again, it was raining so she missed out on her run. I actually feel pretty terrible about that because I really only wanted to delay her, not ruin her plans completely.

At this point, she's alternating between crying that I went out of my way to hurt her and ignoring my presence. I acknowledge that what I've done has been pretty childish and not at all constructive. I just don't know what to do.

She said, through tears, "You admitted you were totally in the wrong for yelling at me, and then you turned around and took it out on me in a different way! What is wrong with you?"

The problem is, to her, an apology means taking on 100% of the fault. When I apologized for blowing up, she took that to mean she was 100% in the right and that my feelings were completely unjustified. So at this point, I haven't apologized for ruining her run, because she'll take that to mean that she wasn't wrong to touch my boots.

I've tried to have these discussions but it's in one ear and out the other. We have such a good relationship otherwise, but I feel like this issue has reached a tipping point and it's going to continue to result in arguments until we resolve it.

How do I make things right with my wife while still letting her know that I won't tolerate her disrespecting my property anymore?

Edit: Wow! This blew up! I went through comments for six hours last night and I still have 1.8k to get through. I promise you I am reading every one of your comments and appreciate the advice. A couple things to address points that keep getting brought up.

  1. My wife has never been diagnosed as having OCD. As an EMT, I'm very careful about labeling someone as having a disorder as I don't have the proper qualifications to make that diagnosis. I do agree that it's time for her to see somebody, get a proper diagnosis, and address these issues.
  2. My boots lace up in the front and zipper on the side. They're not a full unzip but rather an unzip to open them up a bit. The way my wife is tying them makes them impossible to get on even with the zipper down. They're weather proof and great for standing on rough terrain or the highway after accidents. They're only about a year old and were actually a gift from my wife. I've not considered Velcro before, I'm a bit hesitant to do that as I don't know that they wouldn't catch on things or wear out quicker. I've tucked the laces in but she still tied them up.
  3. This is a bit of compulsive behavior on my part. I don't leave my boots in the garage because my mother was a smoker growing up and that's where she would smoke. So I would end up with ashes in my shoes and having them reek of tobacco after. So I developed a habit of wearing them into my home. Also, if I leave them there, they're likely to get moved someplace 'safe' where it will take me even longer to find them. Putting the boots in the closet, she found them and tied them. Putting them under the bed or out of sight they were found, tied, and moved to the closet.
  4. I honestly believe that a footlocker or any other kind of box would get moved to where I would have to wake her up to find it. If it's locked, then my keys are likely to go missing. For some reason, sitting on my dresser is not appropriate but in the pocket of a jacket downstairs in the closet is.
  5. I am likely going to start putting my boots in the car. Though I had to laugh at the people suggesting decoy boots. As much as it may seem like it, I'm not living in a Spy vs. Spy cartoon.
  6. I am a volunteer EMT. We respond from home. We don't have sleeping quarters, and I work the overnight shift so I sleep during my shift, get out of bed when a call comes in, drive to the building, and take the ambulance to the scene. This is typical of volunteer organizations. Paid EMS is more likely to have sleeping quarters or even require EMTs to be in the truck throughout their shift. Community based EMS is more likely to take 911 calls and respond to emergencies whether paid or volunteer. Private EMS is more likely to take transport requests such as to/from dialysis or chemotherapy as well as hospital to nursing facility discharges.
  7. To those who have told me that I don't have the right to use the word lifesaving, on my dress uniform I have pins for 3 defibrillator saves and 4 for CPR saves. I've crawled into a car wreck to open someone's airway and bag them until we could get them out. While transporting a patient I recognized signs of internal injury and ordered we divert to a trauma center, where he was put directly into emergency surgery that saved his life. Did I do these things entirely by myself? No, of course not. I would never claim that I was the sole reason someone lived. However, I am, at my very basest level, as vital link in the chain or survival. So while I can't claim complete credit for any of the things I've done, I would certainly put a lot of blame on myself if someone didn't live because of something I failed to do.
  8. I have a full-time job that I work 8-5 Monday - Friday outside of EMS. That is why I volunteer on the night shift. My wife works as a payroll manager for a mid-sized office. I earn about $10,000 a year more than her. We've been married for two years. While I lived on my own before we were married, she didn't move into the apartment until we got engaged. So, I think to her, that was my place, not ours, and she didn't really touch my things. I was with another EMS organization until we moved to a new town after our engagement. When we bought the house, I joined the local volunteer squad as an EMT. My wife regards my job as part of my identity while she sees the EMS as something I volunteer to do. She would say, "This is my husband, he is [job title]," not "This is my husband, he is an EMT."
  9. Thank you for all the awards on this post. You're all very kind. I appreciate so much that you took the time out of your day to acknowledge things and want to help me.

tl;dr Wife keeps tightening my boots when I'm not wearing them, delaying me on ambulance calls. I finally had enough, and she's calling my response abuse.

r/relationship_advice Jun 26 '20 Press F Facepalm

/r/all My wife [27] is a flight attendant, I [27M] found lingerie and heels in her luggage


We've been married for almost 2 years now. My wife works as a flight attendant and is often doing long journeys to other countries. Her work has not slowed down during the covid quarantine as I thought it would so she is constantly working and has been tested negative several times now.

Our anniversary was last week and she was not going to be home for it so I decided to give her a surprise card and one of a few gifts, but I was going to bury it in her luggage suitcase before she was about to leave. That is when I found new looking white lace lingerie that I have never seen before, as well as a pair of heels that I do know of because I got them for her. As soon as I saw it there was ringing in my ears and it felt like the world had come to a halt. I have been trying to come up with reasonable explanations as to why she would have it, but none of them are in character for her as far as I am aware. That's why now I am fearing the worst, infidelity. She doesn't know I saw it because I didn't leave the gift and card but she has been back home since then and gone again. I am going crazy with the thoughts of her with another man but I don't have concrete proof before accusing her. I don't know how I'd even get solid evidence. Reddit please help me on what to do now because I am in a very bad place emotionally right now

r/relationship_advice Aug 30 '20 All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Snek Take My Power This is 2020 Faith In Humanity Restored Wholesome Wearing is Caring Rocket Like Bless Up I'd Like to Thank... Bless Up (Pro) Hugz

/r/all My parents falsely accused my brother of being a creep and it's really affecting him.


My brother is 15, my sister is 17, and I'm 23f. This is really stupid and it shouldn't have happened but it did. Now I just want advice on how to make it better. Also this is the story my brother told me as I wasn't there.

He was in his room playing on his phone minding his own business. He got up to take out the trash. He came back to lay down im his bed. As he was laying down he noticed there dog walking out of his room. He ignored it.

Later on his sister 17 noticed clothes were missing. She went looking for it and found it in my brothers room. The problem was that is was wet and slimy. She immediately told our parents and they thought the worse. My dad, mom, and brother argued about it.

Rude things were said. Apparently mom said I knew you were weird but not this weird. My dad said I raised a predator. In the end my parents asked me to pick him up and let him stay with me for a couple of days. When I picked him up he didn't say anything and just sat in silence.

He spent the entire time in the room he was staying in. He only came out for dinner. He skipped breakfast and lunch. His eye's were always red when he came out so I assume he was crying. I've never seen him cry. Most of the time when he's upset he just has a stone face so what they said must have got to him.

Finally at the end of the week he's parents called me and said they wanted to talk to him so they came over. Before they came over I tried to talk to him but he ignored me. When parents came they apologised to him. Over the week they noticed more of sister clothes in his room until one day my dad caught the dog with my sister clothes.

My brother just said okay and went home. I tried to ask my parents if he could stay longer but they said that wouldn't be necessary. Later on I got a call asking me what did he do over my house because he's just been in his room all day at there house. Is there anything I can do to help him feel better?

Advice would be greatly unappreciated.

Edit little update:Good news. He can stay with me until Sunday. I had to lie a little to parents to get him to come. I told them he should get out the house because he spends most of his day sitting in one spot with online school.

They didn't believe me a first but I said it would be a chance to get him out his room. They finally agreed. He was about to go to sleep so I came just in time. I think the plan right now is to just spent time with him this week. I'm broke so it's gonna be mostly home stuff.

I tried to talk to him on the car ride. I asked him if he's okay. He said he's fine and we had a little conversation about his school. So at least he's talking now. He's in the spare room so everything is okay right now.

Final update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/innyw1/updatemy_parents_falsely_accused_my_brother_of/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

r/relationship_advice Jul 23 '20 Silver Take My Energy Lawyer Up Facepalm Hugz

/r/all My boyfriend (35m) drugged me (26f) with Benadryl because we got into an argument before our road trip and he wanted me to sleep the whole time.


Update: posted on throwramerr1 if anyone sees this, due to the 48 hour rule. Just wanted to go ahead and post and let y’all know I’m okay.

Update 2: Here was the post that got removed

Holy shit, y’all. I haven’t been on reddit since I posted my original here and I did NOT expect this. I had to make an extra account with similar name to post because of the 48 hour thing, but I know a lot of people were genuinely worried about me so I wanted to go ahead and post an update (sorry if that’s not allowed).

Thank you guys so much, I can’t even believe the support/response I got. I ended up calling my brother and telling him about it and asking him how I should handle it, and he got in his car to come get me before I even finished telling him what all had happened. Him freaking out more than anything else made me realize that I wasn’t overreacting. I didn’t tell my boyfriend I was leaving until my brother was parked on the street and I just walked out with a few things. So now I’m in a messy breakup situation where he’s already tried to come by my moms house even though I told him I didn’t want to see him and that I’d get my stuff eventually, both from his parents house where he’s currently at and his actual house. Things are gonna be weird to figure out but I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m totally okay, thank you. I can’t reply to everyone who reached out/messaged so I hope you guys see this and know I appreciate it.


Monday we decided to make the 8ish hour drive back to our home state and quarantine there instead for a few months. Right before leaving, we got into a big fight because I wanted to stay at my mothers house for a while, he doesn’t want me to, among other things I won’t get into. Well, before leaving we decided to eat dinner so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

Fast forward to our drive and not long after hitting the road I passed out. Don’t even really remember falling asleep. Woke up one time for a while, drank some Gatorade which he gave me, and then I fell asleep again. I thought this was extremely weird because I wasn’t tired hardly at all and we didn’t even leave super early. I kept commenting on how weird it was that I was tired the whole drive and slept 90% of it.

Yesterday the tension eased a bit and he made the offhanded comment that he wishes he could drug me more when I “act out” and argue with him. I ask him what he’s talking about. Proceeds to tell me he put Benadryl in my drink and that’s why I slept, so he didn’t have to deal with me. He literally said this as though it wasn’t that big of a deal! I’m still reeling from the conversation and completely floored. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not but something tells me I’m not, and it’s extremely fucked up to put medicine in drinks. I don’t know what to do

r/relationship_advice Sep 12 '20 Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy Bless Up I'd Like to Thank... Hugz Silver Gold Faith In Humanity Restored Wholesome Seal of Approval Wearing is Caring

/r/all UPDATE: My [29f] boyfriend [25m] admitted that he forced himself on a woman several years ago.


Hello again everybody. It has now almost been two weeks since my boyfriend admitted he committed one of the most despicable acts possible against another human being. TW: rape, sexual assault, and sexual violence. If these topics hurt you in any way, please stop reading now.


The whole situation still feels surreal. I have gone from being angry at him to being angry at myself. I have written long texts to him and then deleted them completely. I have gone through stages of denial where I thought that Jason, being such a good guy, may not have actually done anything wrong? Maybe a woman gaslighted him into feeling that he had committed a crime when she consented at the time?

Then I realized that everyone who commented on my last post hit the nail squarely on the head. He didn't go to the police to turn himself in for what he did. If he truly felt remorse, that is what he would have done. His charm and natural "understanding" of women's problems were complete ruses; many people with sociopathic tendencies are great with people. Most of all, he gets to cry and move on with his life. He gets to love another woman again. His victim? I can't even fathom what she's going through.

I finally called him two nights ago. He wanted to talk about how we could mend our relationship, but after two weeks of not hearing his voice and being scared of how I may run back to him, it hit me like a truck: I don't love him anymore. I told him that I wanted him to vacate his apartment for three hours while I gathered my belongings. He said he would do so. I ended the call by telling him that if he felt any remorse, he would go to the police and accept all charges for what he did, not contest them in court, and take his punishment. He started talking about how that wouldn't bring justice to his victim. Then he said that he loved me. Twisted fuck.

I showed up the next morning at the decided time with my sister, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm confident he won't contact me again.

Thank you all so much for helping me through this. I'm going to find a therapist as soon as possible.

TL;DR: my rapist boyfriend won't turn himself in, and I broke up with him. I safely gathered my belongings and now I'm living with my sister.

Edit: I apologize for editing the post, but after receiving a couple of private messages asking me to drop his personal information, I must make one thing clear: I will not, under any circumstances, post any identifying information about him. It is not only against sitewide rules, but if I were reckless enough to do that, he could sue me. Again, I repeat: nobody is getting his information. He is a monster. He probably deserves worse. But it will not be coming from me.

r/relationship_advice Aug 23 '20 Hugz Wearing is Caring 'MURICA I'd Like to Thank... Faith In Humanity Restored Platinum Bless Up Hugz Cool Summer Spit-take Take My Energy

/r/all My (27F) boyfriend (27M) asked me to “act more kawaii” in the bedroom. I’m asian and he’s white. I don’t want to shame his kink but I don’t want to be fetishized.


TLDR: I don’t want to be fetishized by my boyfriend but don’t want to shame him for being more sexually open with me.

We’ve been together for a little over a year now and it’s been going well! We met at college through a club and hit it off then reconnected a couple years later. He’s always been really kind to me and gives me compliments all the time and we generally have fun together.

We’ve been quarantining together and have been having a lot of sex, which I love, but it’s been getting a little weirder, I guess? He sends me a lot of hentai and says he wants to try things out that are depicted in it which is fine. But he’s also been buying me outfits (which I do appreciate) and they’re very much like anime themed? Japanese schoolgirl, cat-girl costume, etc. etc. I know he’s being more open sexually with me but it all feels kind of... gross? Like he wants me to do all of these things because I’m Asian? Anyway the other night he asked me to “act cuter” in the bedroom and to speak Japanese to him in bed. I was really offended by this because while I’m Asian I’m not Japanese. I’m Taiwanese, but born and raised here in America. I firmly told him no and the night went on alright but he was a little quiet afterwards like I’d scolded him.

I don’t think he means anything weird by it, but I want to tell him I’m not okay with the things he’s been doing but also I don’t want to shame him for being more open sexually with me. I just want to feel like he wants to be intimate with ME and not with Asian Girl #7, if that makes sense. I don’t know how to explain this to him though?

r/relationship_advice Aug 09 '20 Wearing is Caring Bless Up Lawyer Up Hugz Silver Gold Wholesome Take My Energy

/r/all I (14M) hit my (16F) cousin and now my family is upset and no one but my dad believe me.


I know based off the title in being judged extra hard. I don't condone hitting a womann and if i could go back I would. What's done is done and now my family is in turmoil.

So my aunty and uncle came to my house to talk to my parents. I though this was stupid because of Covid but they went ahead and came anyway. They brought my cousin who we will call Carly.

Me and Carly get along fine but yesterday we did not. We started to argue about about a game system. It was a stupid argument of who got the good controller and bad controller. Everything went down hill when I would not give her the good one (It's my system).

She tried to take the remote from me, but in the process slapped me across the face with her nails. I started bleeding so I got up and walked to the bathroom. I don't know if she had an adrenalin rush, but all I here is "MY NAILS!". She grabs me and punched me in the face. In the heat of the moment, I punched her in the stomach and she fell over screaming.

Her dad comes up the stairs and without asking any questions b-lines towards me. He grabs me, then my dad came and grabbed him before he could hit me. Him and my dad were yelling pretty bad. My mom and aunty are talking to my cousin.

My dad tells them to get out of his house. As of right now I have gotten text messages and phone calls from my family calling me a woman beater. My dad is the only person to believe me. My mom is saying she believes me, but is acting cold.

How do I fix this and stop my family from braking down even more? I blocked my cousin and her parents, but I don't know what to do know. I also feel like my uncle really wants to fight me.

Edit: I changed female to woman


r/relationship_advice Sep 15 '20 Rocket Like Faith In Humanity Restored Excited Looking Busy Take My Energy Wearing is Caring This Bless Up I'd Like to Thank... Hugz Gold Wholesome

/r/all Update: my [33m] wife [25f] constantly makes a conscious effort to humiliate me during my lessons over Zoom


About a week and a half ago, I made a post here about my wife consciously trying to sabotage my lessons over Zoom. It seemed that everything she did was just to embarrass me in front of my students. If you want more information about the situation, you can find the original post here:


My first lesson after making that post, my wife went straight back to her old antics. I was in the lesson room as students gradually joined, talking to a student who was interested in luxury cars. At some point during the conversation, I said “yeah I think I’d have to go with the Lamborghini there.” I heard from behind the door in the basement where I was teaching “LaMBorGhiNi” in the sarcastic exaggerated tone of voice that kids will use to mock you. I realized she was being childish again, but figured she’d eventually tire herself out.

A few minutes after the lesson started, I used the word “circumference” to describe a word problem. I then heard “ciRCuMFeREnCe” from behind the door at the top of the stairs, followed by giggling. Since the timing was right, as I was about to have the students take a shot at a problem, I set them to the task, muted my mic/disabled my camera, and quietly crept up the stairs. I suddenly opened the door to find my wife with a cup over her ear pushed against the door so she could hear me.

I whisper-shouted at her for her behavior for about a minute. I asked if she was five years old and what the hell was wrong with her. She feigned fear and shock as if I had held her against the wall with my hands wrapped around her throat, which made me just sigh and go back downstairs to finish my lesson.

For the rest of the lesson she was quiet, but after it I went upstairs to bring up what she did. She started asking if I was going to yell at her again. I responded that I wouldn't, and I tried to get back on topic, but no matter what I said about her behavior, her response was the same. When I brought up her stomping in the room above before, “are you going to yell at me again?” When I brought up her sliding plastic files under the door during a lesson before, “oh, are you going to yell at me again?” When I brought up anything she has done during lessons, the answer was the same, over and over again.

There is absolutely no way to broach the topic with her now. I called her doctor and said that her behavior is erratic, and that she might have PPD. The doctor said that he could ask about it when she came in, but there is not much else he could do. The next day I tried to sit my wife down for a calm discussion about the possibility of her having PPD, to which she responded she had PTSD from my “abusive shouting.” Right. When I suggested therapy, together, she said “oh, to fix your anger management problems? Sounds good.”

I teach in my car in front of a Starbucks now. Outside of lesson time we haven't really had any issues, and now that I'm outside the house teaching, we are strained but stable. I know this is not a very satisfactory outcome, but I think she has deep underlying issues that are going to need professional intervention. When I said I would happily go to therapy with her to find a solution to our communication issues, she told me that I should go alone. I think that may actually be a good step because having a neutral party to listen to my worries and guide me towards better de-escalation tactics would be highly beneficial. I could also try to entice her to join gradually.

TL;DR: my wife has no desire to change. I’m going to start therapy alone and see if I can’t get her to join. Her doctor will bring up the possibility of PPD in her next appointment.

r/relationship_advice Oct 03 '20 Helpful Hugz Party Train Excited Platinum Wholesome Coin Gift Take My Energy Rocket Like Spooky Season Silver

/r/all My (F30) husband (M33) has been cheating on me with my best friend (F31) and asked me tonight if I want to be in a “throuple”.


link to update full text. Link to update on relationship Advice

Edit: You beautiful people of reddit. I’m overcome (and honestly overwhelmed) with the outpouring of comments and support and awards and DMs. I just got home from work and am crying but this is a good cry. It’s been a really awful year and yesterday was brutal but logging on to this has just been the most special thing. I promise to read all your comments and DMs but it’s going to take some time haha. People who spent their coins on awards — that’s very sweet of you and I’m surprised that you’d do that on a throwaway but I want you to know that it honestly touched my heart that strangers can be this caring about a nobody. I don’t feel alone like I did last night when I posted. THANK YOU. I still have no idea the best way to leave this situation but I’m definitely not signing up for a throuple which I made crystal clear to my husband at 4am. Also, my manager pulled me aside today and asked me if everything is okay because I obviously didn’t sleep and look super gross I think from the throwing up and not eating. I just told him what happened because I couldn’t think of a lie on the spot. He took me to his office and searched our legal Bar and legal help and divorce mediation and looked me dead in the eyes and said if I tell anyone at work he’ll deny it so then I broke down sobbing in his office which was really not my finest moment. So it turns out he has a soul and gave me Monday off in his words to “get yourself to a lawyer but keep it quiet from your husband”. So on Monday my husband will think I’m at work but I’ll be seeing what my next steps should be from a legal perspective. Speaking of my husband, I asked him to give me some space for the next few days and he’s on the couch. My best friend texted me a few times today but I’ve just left her on read. This was a long edit! I’m going to eat something and sleep now. Thank you for caring reddit.

Okay, let me start out by saying fuck 2020. My husband lost his job in April, and has been home while I have been working extra shifts (making $12/hr) to keep us from going broke. Yes, I’ve been out of the house more than at home. Yes, I haven’t been super active in bed because I am really exhausted all the time from working 70 hours a week STANDING ON MY FEET all 70 hours. I thought he’d appreciate that I am working so we have things like food and a place to live. Instead he and my best friend have been fucking while I’ve been at work. She lost her job too. They’ve always gotten along with each other and I’ve never felt jealous or threatened that they have hung out together just the 2 of them over the years. One very drunk night in 2009 she and I did make out but it was a one time thing and I didn’t enjoy it. I thought I could trust them and that they were just friends. Obviously, I’m an idiot.

Enough backstory. I came home tonight and found them snuggling on the couch watching tv. Like in a spooning position, but it was very obvious it was intimate. They didn’t panic, but she sat up. Then he sat up. At this point I felt my stomach turn into a rock and I felt dizzy. No word of a lie, my body went into some kind of shock? I just walked to the bathroom and closed the door and sat on the toilet. I just started crying after I have no idea how long. I threw up. I heard them whisper talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying, but then they knocked on the bathroom door and asked if I was ok, and I told them “obviously fucking not.” They didn’t backpedal or deny anything. They didn’t admit to fucking then, but my best friend said we should all probably talk about what’s going on.

I stayed in the bathroom. We talked through the door. That’s when my husband said “ok, yes, we didn’t want you to find out like this, but we have been in a relationship since July.” He said some more things but I honestly can’t remeber them because my ears were kind of ringing? And I kept thing about him saying relationship. This wasn’t a fling or a one night stand. I could maybe forgive that but a real relationship? Isn’t marriage supposed to me mean just and I are in a relationship? So he says whatever and then my best friend says “so what do you think?” I missed everything he said obviously so I told her that and she said “so you missed the part about all three of us living together?” After me asking what? my husband clarified that she would stay on the couch but they’d keep each other company during the day and I could be with her too if I wanted (she knows I don’t want this because we would have made out more than that one time in 2009 right?) I know she needs to move out of her place because no job=no rent payment. I had told her in the past she could always crash at my place, but I never meant like this. How could she not know that? Is my best friend an idiot? Am I an idiot?

I need advice. Yes, tell me that I’m the idiot I am for trusting them and having bad judgement and not doing my “wifely duties”. I own all those things. I just need help figuring out my next steps. I don’t want to be in a throuple and I don’t even want to look at either of them. It’s 3:30am and I can’t sleep and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been used. I don’t know even if I leave if I’d still have to pay for my husband’s expenses because he’s not working? Which would mean I’m paying for them to have a relationship, which idiot me has been doing since July and I really hate my life right now.

TL:DR All work and no play makes THROWRA_justfml a fucked over wife and friend.

r/relationship_advice Jul 18 '20 Take My Energy Press F Facepalm Hugz

/r/all My (20F) boyfriend (20M) said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby


Update post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hv4wc1/update_my_boyfriend_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/fyt0y1e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

We have been in a relationship for 1 year and we had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth and my bf was there throughout the whole process. I screamed A LOT and each time I did he whispered something like "can you stop screaming, you're really embarrassing me". I also threw up a few times and I saw him cover his face in shame. When I held the midwife's hand for comfort he whispered "let go of her, stop being so embarrassing". He also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names.

I'm really upset about his behaviour that day, especially when it was when I needed his support the most. When I try to talk to him about it he denies ever saying it and that I'm being silly...

Edit: I know that there are a lot of comments but I am reading them all, and I just want to thank everybody for the advice and support so far. :) I spoke to my mum about this but she is the very traditional type and although she said his behaviour is wrong, I should try couple counselling first. I really don't think he is going to listen to me when I suggest getting help but I'll try. I am also going to talk to my public health nurse.

Edit 2: Thank you so much to everybody who commented and dmed me with words of support and those who have also been in similar situations. I have since tried to discuss the option of couple counselling to him but to no avail, which didn't surprise me. My mum has agreed to let me stay there until I can find a new place for myself and baby. I haven't said anything to him yet, I've been advised not to so I am still planning out how I am going to take the next step.

r/relationship_advice Sep 23 '20 Helpful Wholesome Rocket Like Table Slap Gold Hugz Ally This Table Flip Excited

/r/all My (26F) fiancé (27M) left me for his “one that got away” four years ago. They’ve divorced and he wants to get back together.


My fiancé broke our engagement off when his high school girlfriend moved to our city. They quickly got engaged, married and had a baby before it had even been a year. I was so blindsided and hurt, I don’t think I ever really got over my ex which is why I’m making this post to get some outside insight.

My ex reached out a few days ago to “catch up”. He claimed he regretted breaking up with me two months after he did but because his ex-wife was pregnant at the time, he felt he owed it to his son to try and make it work. He said their relationship quickly fell apart when he realized his ex wasn’t looking for a life partner but someone to financially support her. He said the financial issues is what finally led to their divorce. They’ve been divorced for 6 months and have two children together. According to him, his ex regularly tries to get back together with him, but he doesn’t want her.

He ended up asking me if I was willing to give him a second chance.

In some ways, my ex has become my “one who got away” and I probably would’ve jumped at the chance to get back with him a few months ago. However, I’ve recently been talking to this guy and whilst we aren’t official or anything, we did go on a date two weeks ago which went really well. I feel like it could progress into something good and I don’t know if my ex is worth losing it over.

I’d appreciate any advice on what to do in this situation.

TL;DR – My ex left me for his “one that got away”. Four years and two kids later, they’re now divorced. My ex claims he regretted leaving me two months after he did but felt like he had to stay for the sake of his unborn child. He now wants a second chance, but I’ve met someone knew who seems like a great person. I don’t know what to do.

r/relationship_advice Jun 09 '20 Hugz Super Heart Eyes Silver Gold Platinum I'm Deceased

/r/all I [31m] told my girlfriend [30f] that she is not a trophy wife or status symbol and that we are similar in attractiveness, she views it as me calling her old and ugly


A bit of background my girlfriend and I are 30 and 31 respectively. We have been dating for about a year. I work as a high-level engineer at a good firm and my girlfriend works as a payroll specialist at a good firm too. I make significantly more than her (3x).

Things were good in our relationship until I showed her my retirement/savings. She now doesn't see the point of working and has started framing our relationship in that, she is the beautiful one and that I am the nerdy engineer that was lucky to have her. Before, when we met she was all about making it her own way, eventually starting her own company with her sister in sourcing and recruiting. But now she jokes about driving a Range Rover and wearing Lululemon and going to Yoga.

We were having a discussion again about this 'trophy wife' stuff she brought up that I was nerdy back in the day while she was very popular. I told her she is not a trophy wife, that yes she is attractive but its not a huge difference between us.

I told her had it been the case that I met her when she was 22 and I was my current age than sure, but she isn't 22 anymore. After I said that she just started crying like crazy.

She started saying that I think of her as ugly and used up that her best years are behind are. She just told me that if I am not happy to be with her, why am I even here? to stop wasting her time.

I tried to talk to her but she was in no state for a conversation. I don't know what to say, guys, for me, I just wanted to say that I think we are of similar attractiveness. Like I don't think anyone when they see us turns their head and is like oh she is with him the cause of money? Or damn he is so lucky to be with her. I think it's mutual. She was the one that if anything went after my attractiveness first.

What should I do? I like the fact that we both work and I don't want to change that dynamic. And I don't want her to think too that she is above me that I am so lucky to have her. I want her to think of us as equals and in my attempt to do that I hurt her feelings. What's the next move?

Tl;Dr- ever since my girlfriend found out about my savings she has more often entertained the idea of being a stay at home wife. She has tried to bring up the fact that she was more attractive than me as justification why I am so lucky to be with her and why I should accept this.