r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAnouserrrr • 4h ago
Guy I’ve been talking to (21M) keeps asking me (19F) for nudes and doesn’t take no for an answer
We met at a frat party and made out for a while, he was so eager to take me up to his room, but I told him I don’t participate in hook up culture. He was a bit angry cause I kissed him only to end up ‘not finishing the job’, we settled for taking eachother’s socials before I left. He was very fun to be around, had a great sense of humor and a charming personality, I actually genuinely wanted to get to know him. But he asked me for nudes from the very first day we started texting, and it’s been going on ever since. I always brushed his request off with some sort of excuse then I got so tired of it and made how plainly uncomfortable his constant demands for something like that are making me feel and that I won’t send him nudes cause it’s not something I usually ever do and have heard enough horror stories about it. He was persistent and didn’t give up. “I can be the first and only one”, “I promise I won’t hurt you with them”, then he went to “you’re being too much of a tease”, “I need to get off”.
Sometimes he’d send me pictures of his D out of a blue or as a respond to one of my photos to show me he’s turned on, and now he’s saying that I need to pay back the favor. I never even asked for those pictures. I just need some genuine advice on how to stop him and deal with this situation
#3 It’s done. I blocked him. When I entered our chat he triggered me by being back at it again. And that alongside everyone on here burning me about it gave me the balls to just do it. Truly, thank you all for the advice. Still not sure how to deal with him irl but I’ll share the whole thing with my friends and our mutual ones as well to see how it goes
#1 I’m on here for some advice on how to STOP him not make a relationship work with him. Do you all think I’m stupid?
#2 Also, I don’t think just blocking him will do sadly, he’s been going after me for months, we attend the same college and have shared friends, it’d make things awkward asf
r/relationship_advice • u/throwra93tr • 9h ago
(F25/M30) She says withholding sex due to no commitment seems like a form of manipulation.
We currently live together raising our 5-month-old baby. We have not really been together for a few years. I’ll give a simple timeline. Started dating in 2017, broke up 2019, started hooking up in 2021, she got pregnant, we moved in together 7 months ago and started sleeping together again 3 months ago. I want to be with her, and I’ve made that clear to her, but she doesn’t want the same thing, so we have just been hooking up. I’m over it.
We’re living in the same house, raising a baby, acting like a couple, but she doesn’t see us being in a relationship? I decided to have some respect for myself and I will no longer have sex with her if we are not in a committed relationship, and I’m serious. I’ve explained all of this to her but she must’ve thought I was bluffing. Last night she really tried and I rejected her again, and she said that it seemed like a form of manipulation. I’m not trying to force her to be with me, why would I want to be in a relationship with someone that feels forced to be with me? I’m just saying that I no longer want to act as if we are a couple if there is no commitment. I just want to ask if I'm going about this the right way.
r/relationship_advice • u/throwRA-paternity • 7h ago
My (27F) boyfriend (28M) wants a paternity test.
Hi everyone! I'm 27F and he's 28M. He's said that he wants a paternity test when he has kids because he's afraid a kid would not be his (and he wastes his "prime years" by raising a kid that's not his own). I take it as an offense to me and my loyalty- why would I go through 9 months of hell with body changes for a random man, and pass the kid off as my boyfriend's? I told him this, and his attitude is that because I feel so strongly against the test, it's a sign that he needs to do it. He has told me that every other woman he's been with has not had an issue with his intent to take the test. He's saying he's paranoid because he's seen stories of men raising kids that aren't their own. I'm here for advice because he claims all of his friends agree with him, but everyone I've talked to has said the exact opposite (because why would you marry someone you can't even trust to be faithful to you??) How should I have reacted when he told me this?
r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAdreamgirl • 2h ago
UPDATE; My boyfriend (22M) told me (18F) that things between us will end if I don’t have sex with him
this is an update to my previous post
I know it’s fairly quick to share one but so many people were freaking out under my last post (was locked cause it reached karma limit) and still are in my dms that I just have to share it. We just met up, I told him all about it, he freaked out and started apologizing for making me feel pressured and being impatient then told me “he can’t do it”, he was also a bit angry that I didn’t share it with him earlier on which is fair. Anyways, I knew this would happen when he finds out I’m a virgin and that’s exactly what has been holding me back. Currently I’ll be sobbing over him for 3-5 business days before trying to move on. Thank you all for your concern and advice. FYI; this is just a throwaway account that I’ll end up deleting.
r/relationship_advice • u/cinderellaman27 • 5h ago
Fiancé (25F) confessed to me (28M) of crushing on a co-worker.
I proposed to my longtime gf about a year ago and our wedding is coming up at the end of next month. She started a new job 2 months ago and since she’s started this new job there has been a noticeable change in her mood. She’s introverted and shy when meeting new people but will get comfortable once she gets to know them. Over the course of a month she’s meeting new people in other departments everyday trying to be as friendly as possible as she’s excited about this new job and very optimistic about how it’s going. She tells me about Chris and how he’s into anime as she is and they talked about his experience working there and how funny he is.
A few weeks after she meets Chris she texts me at the end day to tell me she has something to tell me and she’s very sorry about it. After apologizing a few more time she finally confesses she has a crush on Chris. She explains that when she bumped into him today she notice she was excited to see him and she actually had butterflies while they talked and felt her mood be uplifted for the rest of the day. She thought about it and came to the conclusion that she had crush on him and decide that she should talk to me about it. She tells me it’s the first time she’s felt like this since we started dated and before me only one other person had caused this in her.
I responded by thanking her for her honesty and happy she told me as it makes me feel like she cares about how I might feel about it. I went to into a bit of a rant explaining that it’s natural to have crushes and as long as she isn’t acting on them or crossing boundaries then it will be fine and the crush will sizzle out, basically no harm no foul.
She has asked about how best to handle this situation and she suggested to cut off all contact and avoid him. I responded by telling her that may be an over reaction and she shouldn’t avoid him just respect boundaries and at this point not accept any invitations to go out and do things as that could lead to trouble and we left it at that.
Is there anything else I should be saying or asking about? Did I handle it correctly? If this crush doesn’t fizzle out what steps should she or I take to resolve it? Basically asking for any advice or comments on how to best handle this situation.
TLDR: Fiancé confessed to crush on her co-worker, we talked and there was no harm done no foul done. Asking for advice on how to best handle this situation.
r/relationship_advice • u/fivesecondsofsilence • 5h ago
I (30F) went through my husband's (32M) phone and don't like what I saw.
I'm 30F, he's 32M. We've been together since high school, going on 12 years.
He had a girl he worked with I wasn't fond of. She seems like a "pick me" girl and has never been nice to me. She's caused a lot of arguments, when he said I was just mad because he had a new female friend, but he was sharing music with her and not me, then gaslighting me about not knowing the songs. Other stuff, like where I actually bought a whole outfit based on how this girl dresses (I dress very differently) and after months of no compliments, he told me I looked great.
Anyway. I know looking through someone's phone is shitty, but we had been having issues lately. He never wants to have sex, he's mean about a lot of things, not just to me. Then he told me this coworker of his was quitting and backpacking across Europe or something. Ok. Things actually were better for a while then went right back to normal. I asked him if they were talking again and he said no.
I checked his phone. Not only had they been talking about me, they were MEAN. And deceptive. The first batch, when I didn't even know she was in town:
Girl: Taco bell lunch?
Husband: Oh dude, hell yes
Girl: Dope, which one?
Husband: (tells her location) Does (boss) know you're in town?
That's enough to get me upset. Then I get hit with this doozy.
Girl: Here's a young adult novel, (OP) could use some writing tips (devil smiley face)
Husband: Hah, she hasn't been writing much lately
Girl: And why ever not?
Husband: She says the medication, I suspect lack of motivation
Girl: What drug is it?
Husband: (Drug name) I believe
Girl: Sounds like a spell honestly
Girl: Well, she's weak
I am livid. I don't know what to do. The medicine I'm on which is causing me to write less is from a freak seizure, which I've never had before. I had a grand mal in the middle of a grocery store and this is how he talks about me?
What do I do? Where do I go from here? 12 years, wasted, it feels like.
Husband has been talking to a coworker who doesn't like me even though he said he wouldn't. He lied and I checked his phone and I know it's shitty but he said some really mean things about me. Not sure how to proceed.
r/relationship_advice • u/Chrissi31 • 4h ago
Guy (37 m) pulled a nasty and weird stunt on the third meeting on me (36 f)
Guy met on Bumble. Texting daily etc had 1st date we kissed passionately. 2nd date we spent the night together and made out heavily but no sex.
He didn't understand why I wouldn't have sex but I said that I would like to get to know him first.
1st date kinda took a weird turn, when we where at the pub kissing and drinking and a guy came to talk to both of us socially. In the middle of the convo, he said he was gonna go out to vape, then I had a conversation with the other guy and when I realised he was absent for a long period of time, he said he was heading home. I asked him why and he said he thinks I'm not interested and sounded pretty drunk. Went to his home and we sat down talking then he poured his heart out and started crying saying he has depression and his ex had an abortion when engaged 5 years ago and he wants to not be single anymore.
We ended up kissing a lot and I went home.
We had 2nd date went to a restaurant where he said to the owner im the love of his life.
We generally had a great night then back to his. Made out, no sex I said we should know each other more. We talked sexually. He asked me why i don't wanna get married and have kids with him. I said we don't know each other. He said he wants to settle down and then proceeded to say he loves me . To that I said I'm sure he doesn't love me as he doesn't really know me but I would love to get to know him and him to be my partner.
Morning also great we had coffee and led up all the week up to St Patrick's day which we said we would spend the weekend together.
The day of the date no text. I texted him and he said he gonna meet me and text him the restaurant address. As the time is approaching and I see he ain't doing nothing, I called him. He sounded pretty drunk on the phone and he said he is working nights and his buttocks off all week and it's Saint Patrick's weekend plus the Irish rugby. I told him I understand but he should let me know. He said come to mine to have sex and spend the night together and get food.
To my surprise I go there and see another guy, a friend of his. Everything is good and he introduced me and then we are left the two of us. He ordered food. By that point he was extremely extremely drunk and I noticed he was about to pass out. I said to him babe, let me get you to bed and get some water for you to drink. I also covered him with a blanket and told him he is not looking good. I caressed his hair and asked him If he feels OK and that I believe we should go to the hospital. He denied everything. When I caressed his hair, I noticed he was wearing a hairpiece as accidentally the lace was revealed.
He immediately corrected it and asked me to leave as he isn't into me and there's no connection . I said that's weird he says that now and asked him when did he decide this. He answered that he isn't into me and to leave. I told him that's fine but regardless I can't just leave him at this state as I care about him. He then asked for sex and told me give me sex then and pushed me towards him.
I said baby you aren't looking good and it's not a good idea I can't do that the way you are about to pass out. He did also pass out for a few mins during this whole ordeal and I brought him back.
Then all hell broke loose. He started shouting, became abusive and told me to f off multiple times and get the f outta his place.
The delivery driver witnessed everything and asked me if I'm OK. I made my way back in because I was genuinely concerned and then his neighbours found me. I explained to them what happened and I got some information. The guy hadn't let me know that he lives with the other guy the owner. He gave me the impression he lives by himself.
Also, he never mentioned he wears a hairpiece.
The neighbours were shocked by this behaviour towards me. I thanked them, asked to keep an eye on him as I was concerned and I shoot off. I sent him a last text saying that he has been dishonest to me and all it looks like he wanted was sex and wished him luck.
Didn't hear from him. I wonder if this was love bombing from the start or what his game plan was. He told me the last time while in that state that its his mental health its not good at all and cried. I had mentioned counselling before even me helping him as i have received and it helped me and he didnt react positively. Also to his drinking he kept saying im an Irish man i drink .
r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRA_Independent4 • 8h ago
I believe my husband (M38) is lying to me (F30) & is possibly having another affair.
Hello all. I’m new to this although I’ve been reading subreddits for years. So I know if I want some honest, unbiased advice, this is the place to do it.
This post is long so please, bear with me…
My now husband and I have been together for three years. Things moved on pretty quickly as we started dating during the pandemic (worked together & lived together so we were together for the better part of the day). I was cheated on by my ex boyfriend which took a serious toll on my mental health. I stayed single for about three years, fully recovering from my past trauma. I shared with my now husband (before we were official) about all of the trauma I endured during my relationship and the aftermath. Also to note, my ex was very jealous and would makeup scenarios in his head. I never cheated on him or had any intentions to — I’ve also never been the jealous type. So when my husband and I got serious, I full on trusted him because he had never given me a reason not to. We were very open with one another. I never felt a reason to distrust him or even dare look at his phone.
A couple of months later, we were at work and I was in his office (we hadn’t disclosed our relationship to HR because we were in the same project & I didn’t want to be taken off of it). When suddenly I see his phone go off, naturally, I looked and as I mentioned before I had never felt the need to, but this time I did. It was a message from his old classmate, and it read something along the lines of “thank you for everything, I loved hearing your voice 💕”. Which stood out to me because when was he talking to her if we’re literally together all the time and also the heart emoji. So naturally I was concerned. Then there was another message from another woman saying “hi good morning, I’m doing good.” Bear in mind, I know his family and this name stood out bc I had never heard it before. We had work phones so I knew it wasn’t work related.
A couple of days passed and we got into a huge argument about it, as I had confronted him. He gave me the typical “it doesn’t mean anything”, so I left our place to go stay with my parents. A couple of days later, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I said screw it, and looked through his phone that night. He also didn’t have a passcode so I thought if he was hiding something then he’d for sure have a passcode. I begin looking through his texts and fair enough there were those two of the women I mentioned. Except the second woman were much more graphic. This was a woman he had slept with in the past (I found this out later). I also would like to note, when I had first seen the message, the name was listed as “Lauren”, after I confronted him & read the messages, the name was listed as one of his cousins, so clearly he was hiding something. He talked about how he wanted to fuck her again and missed her pussy, he asked for photos & even went as far as sending her a photo of him jerking off. With good reasoning I went ballistic and once again confronted him. He tried to place blame at me saying I left that night & he was angry etc. which Is BS because he started talking to her two weeks prior to that fight.
Later on I found more messages with his ex, to be fair, it was mostly her trying to initiate the conversation. But this was months after he swore to me there was nothing else going on. A lot of messages were archived on FB (I guess he didn’t know they wouldn’t get deleted). I found countless photos of other women, nudes, selfies, etc. even videos of him and a woman having sex (he said he saved it bc one weekend when he went out of town, there was no internet so he saved them for pleasure but why tf do you need to be jerking off on a weekend away??) For a while we didn’t post anything on FB about our relationship because we had coworkers on there and didn’t want anyone to know so clearly it’s as if he were single.
We started going to therapy because I was going through a downfall once again. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety in the past, which almost lead me to suicide (more so the thought of it). So I definitely felt like I was going down that spiral again. And you might say “why didn’t you just leave?” Well, it’s definitely not as easy as it sounds. I thought about it numerous times, but we had bought a house together and I truly loved him. Then later we got engaged. But this was only after the therapy.
I know this is an extremely long post but I thought it was necessary to include as much as possible. We’ve been going to therapy for a year and I feel it has worked significantly but I still feel like there is so much to discuss. But anytime I bring something up, it’s as if he’s annoyed, as if he wasn’t the one who hurt me. And even now, I feel like he’s still doing something behind my back, it’s a feeling I can’t shake off. Our therapist says it’s just the anxiety and the PTSD, but idk, you know they say to always trust your gut.
It’s just so heartbreaking to think after everything I shared with him, about how it almost broke me to get cheated on to me opening up to another man, to him doing it to me. He swears there’s never been anything physical, it’s all been via text, which doesn’t takeaway from it but it’s still emotional cheating. And that he’s no longer doing it, he tells me he understands I will never be able to fully trust him but he promises me he’ll never do it again. I really do want to trust him but it’s hard after the betrayal.
So is it all in my head?
r/relationship_advice • u/am_embarrassed • 2h ago
I (21F) want to break up with my longterm partner (24M) because I no longer like how he looks.
Really need help on my situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. And from the beginning he was really fit and kept himself groomed. Mainly because the military was forcing him to. After he got out however he's been on a straight decline since. I used to have to remind him to brush his teeth, he's gotten better at that part. He's gained over 60 pounds and wears the same clothes everyday unless I pick out his outfit. Im a really flamboyant young lady and we get a lot of stares when we are out in public because we just look like total opposites. I've told him multiple times how I wish that he took care of himself. We've had serious conversations but nothing ever improves. I love him for him but I'm at a breaking point where I crave physical attention but not from him in his current state. Besides physical attraction he's a wonderful partner who always has my back...I feel like I would be a bitch if I broke things off for these reasons.
r/relationship_advice • u/Confident-Boss-6585 • 8h ago
I (27M) have mentally given up on my family (Father 70M, Mother 53F, Sister 18F still in school)
My little sister left my parents house late at night and moved into my home. I desperately want my own space but understood her situation and took her in.
My father (70) does not even care. It is his only girl and his youngest child who left nearly a month ago in the middle of the night and he hasn't even so much as sent her a text to wish her well or find out why she left. The best my sister has gotten was a second hand message from our mother from him telling her to "do her best with her studies".
My mother (53) buries her head in the sand and pretends as though nothing has happened. She thinks that this will all blow over and we can all carry on as a happy family with enough time. She is more concerned about people "finding out" that our family has issues than with my sister getting support. She instantly panics and melts down at any problem.
My sister is clearly full of trauma. She breaks my stuff and lies about it. She makes my bills more and is barely eating. She clearly needs therapy and counselling but I frankly don't have the money, expertise or patience to give that to her. I have literally only just bought my flat and so much of it needs doing.
I tried to sit down with my parents when my sister was at her part time job to try and find a solution. My dad told me that he is too tired that day (Sunday) because he has work the next day and to ask him on Saturday as that is the best day for him. Later, he told my mother to tell me "nicely" that he doesn't want to talk about it and wants to focus on his retirement plan.
I am exhausted. I feel like this is not my responsibility, I often work until late hours of the night and look after both of us with basically no support.
Not sure if this sub is for platonic relationships but any advice for how I am feeling would be welcome.
r/relationship_advice • u/onthatmtntop • 9h ago
My best friend (19 M) did sh*t with my ex-GF (18 F) in 2022 and I feel betrayed
It happened from August-July I'm pretty sure. I just stumbled on it on his whatsapp while searching for old chat logs between me and him, and I saw her name pop up. Out of curiosity I clicked the chat.
My memory is foggy but during that time we were either dating or were warming up to it for the second time, we had collectively dated for about 7 months to that point. And the chats are dirty, they're calling each other mommy and daddy, nudes are exchanged. Fucked up shit. The girl, as I later found out was just an unfaithful, pathologically lying leech. But this guy, my friend who pretends to give me advice instead of telling me what happened between them, smiles in my face after what he'd done.
What happened to the bro-code? I know I'd never do the same. Even if I had the chance but doing what he did was just crass and oppurtunistic. Idk, I just feel disgusted, disrespected and stupid. I wanna confront the situation smartly, any tips?
r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRA_weirdgifts • 1d ago
UPDATE: [28f][28m][29m] GF's childhood friend is showering her with expensive gifts to repay her former kindness. These gifts are making GF and me uncomfortable. How do we respond?
I posted on here about 3 months ago and my post had a lot of good feedback and advice on it. Here’s the original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zydury/28f28m29m_gfs_childhood_friend_is_showering_her/
TLDR: an old friend (Jay 28m) of my gf (Liz 28f) came back into town and had been showering her with expensive gifts. These gifts made us both uncomfortable. We were looking for advice in telling him to back off.
I’ve had a bunch of DMs asking for an update on this situation. Honestly, the whole thing got really weird and confusing. I was trying to wait until things became more clear and we had answers to what had happened but I’m not sure that will ever happen.
After posting, Liz told me that she had decided to give back Jay’s expensive Christmas gifts. She waited until he posted on Instagram about being out at an event at a local bar for a night, then drove over to his house with a friend, and they left the gifts by the front door with a note that said (paraphrased) “Jay, Thank you so much for thinking of me this Christmas. While all the gifts you’ve been giving me are generous, I feel bad taking them. It was my parents who took you in back when we were in school, I was just excited to live with my friend, they are the ones who took care of you. If you feel the need to give back, my parents have always supported [Local Charity], I’m sure they would be happy to know you gave the amount of these gifts in their honor”. She hoped this would end things and he’d get the picture. I was doubtful.
Around 2 am that night (presumably when he got home and saw the returned gifts), he started bombarding her with text messages. They were all some combination of:
- He was such a good friend and she was lucky to have him.
- He was going to give her the gifts back because it was false modesty that she was showing in not accepting them.
- She should always expect gifts from him and that he would always protect her and be her hero.
It was really weird and creepy. We were already asleep and the messages came in so quickly and repeatedly that it woke us up. We agreed to try to go back to sleep and deal with it all in the morning.
Luckily, we were leaving early the next morning to see my family for the holidays. On the way there, we worked together to craft a final message to Jay. Liz told him in the text that it seems like he wants a deeper relationship than she does, that she was happy in her relationship with me, and that she was blocking him to give him time to sort out his feelings for her. 30 minutes after that, we got a notification from our doorbell. I’ll give you a guess who it was. He came back a few hours later to bring the gifts back. Then came back again the next morning and then again that evening. Friends started saying that Jay had reached out to ask where Liz was, saying that he was afraid for her safety. Luckily, we didn’t tell that many people about our trip, and those who knew also knew about Liz blocking Jay and all stonewalled him. Still saying it was a stressful situation is a major understatement. Honestly, the stress of it ruined our new years.
While in my hometown, we visited my cousin whose husband is a lawyer. We asked about protective orders. He told us that unfortunately, for our state, there have to be threats of harm or proof that he was stalking Liz. He told us that Jay’s actions to that point were not extreme enough but he encouraged us to save our video doorbell feed and to keep a record of every interaction in case things escalated.
My parents let us stay in my hometown an extra few days before going home but eventually we had to head back for a work event that Liz had to go to. We were pretty nervous the first few days at home and I installed 2 extra cameras outside our home with a wider view range than the doorbell could offer. Luckily, we didn’t hear anything from Jay.
After not hearing anything from or about him for about 2 weeks, we couldn’t tell if we had gotten lucky or if something else was going on. While our closest friends knew what was going on and had all blocked Jay when Liz had, we had some friends of friends that Liz knew were still close to him. We had a close friend reach out to one of Jay’s friends. This guy said that no one had heard or seen from Jay in about 3 weeks, he had missed 2 parties he said he would be at and hadn’t posted on socials for a while (Jay was the kind of guy who would post on Insta 3 to 4 times a week.
I should’ve left the whole thing go there, but my curiosity got the better of me. I reached out to a friend in the middle of February who works in the restaurant industry. I knew that they had been in conversations with Jay’s new company about becoming a client. This friend told me that they hadn’t heard from Jay in over a month but that there was a rumor going around that Jay’s business partner and I guess the whole new business was tied to some sketchy stuff and a lot of the restaurants he knew of had gotten cold feet. No one had heard from Jay in a while and this friend had not seen him at a recent industry event.
This caused one of our friends and me to go into detective mode. Back when Jay had first moved back to the area, a bunch of us were invited over to a party at his house which was a huge mansion in a super wealthy area. Liz and I were having a hard time remembering but feel like he was telling people he had just bought it. Last week, the friend who I’ve been doing detective-y stuff with found that house on a website full of luxury homes for long-term rental. We checked on Zillow and the house was last sold almost a decade ago so we don’t think that he bought it and rented it out. We looked up a news report for when his company sold and we don’t see his name anywhere in the article. That being said, the only person it named was the CFO so maybe he was an owner? We can’t figure it out.
So that’s it. We don’t have any answers for what happened to Jay. We can’t figure out if he was just a sketchy guy whose new company had closed or if he was some kind of scam artist. Part of me thinks that he got a payday and is probably living in Costa Rica or something but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been telling stories the entire time. Maybe he only owned a few shares in the company so he had a bit of cash but conflated his role and his bank account? I don’t think we will ever have answers. On the plus side, it seems like he’s out of our lives, and while we are continuing to keep an eye out, we are hoping we don’t ever have to see him again.
TLDR: Liz blocked him, possibly into the shadow realm
r/relationship_advice • u/cosmic-destiny • 9h ago
My [29M] relationship with my fiancee [29F] is on it's last legs in my opinion but she doesn't seem to even suspect it's off. We are supposed to be getting married next year and I'm not sure how to approach this without her getting over emotional as she throws logic out the window when that happens
There are a few points in the relationship that are just really not doing it for me anymore :
- She's not really pulling her weight around the house, hardly ever does any household chores. Tries to default them to me as I work from home and just really doesn't understand the concept of working from home doesn't equal "House-Husband".
- Her insecurities get in the way of going to events because if I even glance over at someone she deems as "better" than her she'll lash out and give me grief. It happens that often that I've taken to just leaving without her and going home. Obviously I've left her with friends, otherwise i just don't really speak to her until she stops being moody.
- On the back of point 2, she doesn't like her body but refuses to do anything about it. I'm pretty much absent from the home because she want's to just sit and watch netflix and tiktok and I'm going to classes , gym etc. I pay for her to go the Leisure club (£74 p/m) as she complained she wouldn't be able to afford it but then literally goes once or twice a month.
Without sounding horrible the sexual attraction to her has subsided a lot and that is due to weight gain as well as just sheer laziness. Pair that with the moaning about her weight and lashing out when we are out, she's turned herself into a negative energy that I just don't want to deal with.
She relies on me heavily to get to work, as she can't drive and I feel as though she's not really trying hard enough to drive. Specially as I have to be up early (5:30am) to get her to train stations and pick her up late on, it's like she's just happy to be like that and quite bluntly i don't want the mother of my future children not being able to drive.
Has anyone got any good advice on how to approach this with her? I've toyed with just waiting until the end of the year to see if she changes in terms of:
- Sorting herself out to a point where she's happy with her weight.
- Helping around the house as it's 50/50.
If she does then fine, but then if not I'm calling everything off and buying her out of the house.
I've definitely dropped hints and keep mentioning all three but she just bats it off, or just makes false promises. We've been together for 5 years now and since we bought the house last year it's just been getting progressively worse.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated and apologies for the long post.
r/relationship_advice • u/rhune-asphodel • 15h ago
I (24F) am struggling with repulsion (ick) in my relationship with my (36M) partner…
Has anyone been able to come back from feeling utter repulsion from their partner? There’s no particular reason, just a lot of very small ones.
I (24F) met my 36M partner while working together at a really stressful job that required us to be together alone for extended periods of time. We have (I suspect) trauma bonded and now have been “dating” for 3 really long and kind of miserable years. I was living on my own for the majority of this relationship so I was able to push off a lot of the things I did not like about my partner. When I didn’t want to see him I could simply stay home or make an excuse. Well, about six months ago he pushed hard for me to move in with him into his very, very small home. I’ve felt trapped and claustrophobic ever since I’ve arrived here. All of the things that I STRONGLY dislike about him are now glaring me in the face. He refuses to use good table manners. He generally smells bad due to mouth breathing and doesn’t put any effort into his appearance. Having conversations about regular life things are now repulsing me from him because I feel like there is a disconnect in perspective. I also feel disparity in intelligence and creativity between us. He is unorganized, consistently makes unhealthy choices, and has made startling subtle homophobic/ transphobic and even racist comments at times. It is apparent he has failed in many aspects of his life as he has few friends and essentially lives as a hermit. No goals or ambitions and regularly states that he has “wasted a decade” smoking weed and playing video games. On top of all this, any time I stand up, he’s right behind me. There is no room for my hobbies here. I haven’t painted, or practiced yoga, etc. The big problem for me is that he isn’t a mean or cruel person. He is kind where it matters and loyal to me. It’s hard to deal with these feelings of repulsion when there no obvious conflict in our relationship. I’m concerned I should’ve ended this relationship when I realized I wouldn’t enjoy the idea of living with him. We are moving into a bigger place in a different city. I’m hoping that these huge changes with help me build a better relationship with him but I just feel weighed down. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here in this subreddit. I’m just feeling alone and overwhelmed. I’ve been married and divorced before (high-school sweetheart) and this is my first relationship outside of that. I’m afraid I’ve dug myself in too deep. I’m afraid I’m dating a loser.
r/relationship_advice • u/Substantial-Rise1565 • 5h ago
My (21f) boyfriend (22m) gets defensive over anything I bring up
My (21f) boyfriend (22m) gets defensive after I bring anything up about how I’m feeling he used to not do this and was very reassuring, but says he thinks the honeymoon phase has ended and he’s just comfortable now. Some examples are how I brought up that he didn’t introduce to some people he ran into while I was right he next to him, he doesn’t use cute names when he text me anymore or says sweet things, and when he tells me stuff last minute ect I feel bad if I’m doing something wrong by bring stuff up and he tells me I should just know how he feels about me because we hang out everyday, but the people in my life tell me it seems like I’m asking for the bare minimum
r/relationship_advice • u/Zethras28 • 8h ago
Am I(31m) justified in my frustration about the (29m) woman I’m seeing, or am I an asshole?
So I (31m) am currently dating (though that might be a strong word) a 29f. For the last 3 weeks I’ve tried to make plans and stick to them. The first week she caught a cold and was unable to make it. So, that’s reasonable, but she didn’t say anything on the day or the next, leaving me high and dry.
The second week she supposedly had to help take her grandmother to the hospital spontaneously. Sure, that’s reasonable, but again, no word, leaving me high and dry.
This week, she messaged me saying that she “forgot that she and her mother were set to have a mother-daughter day” today and that they made plans 2 weeks ago. This struck me in a very frustrating way.
I’m the type of person who when plans are made, I remember them and stick to them, and it irks me when people with whom you have made plans with either flake on you last minute, or just don’t show up.
Is my frustration justified? Are these red flags that I’m just ignoring? Or am I just an asshole here?
Tl;dr woman I’m seeing has constantly pushed back our plans to see each other and this time, the third, has frustrated me greatly.
r/relationship_advice • u/Torrence_Pie • 4h ago
My (31F) fiancé’s (31M) health has rapidly declined in the past few months… how can I continue to support him when he needs it without compromising his dignity?
My fiancé has a family, history of degenerative tissue disorders. When we first met, I noticed almost immediately several symptoms of possible disc herniation in his cervical and lumbar spine. I also suspected he may have POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).
When I met his parents for the first time, I learned that both his mother and little sister had been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. His mother will be going in for her 5th spinal surgery this June.
I’m very close with his mother and she shared with me that my fiancé has - since he was very young - always avoided any health/medical related issues of his own.
I have a tangential medical background and will gladly stay up all night reading medical journal articles. I found the best cardiologist in the state who specialized in dysautonomic disorders and POTS. It took a little push, but I ultimately got him to the point where he was willing and open to seeing a neurologist, pulmonologist and gastroenterologist. He began a medication regimen, and started seeing a PT about 6 months ago.
About a month ago now, I recall, waking up in the middle of the night and seeing my fiancé at the end of our bed in tears; he told me he was in so much pain that he couldn’t even sit back down on our bed. I will never get that image out of my head.
My fiancé is a big guy… He played football in college, he’s very strong, and he has the pain tolerance of no one I’ve ever known before in my entire life.
I contacted his neurologist, first thing the next day, and before I knew it, we had been referred to a neurosurgeon and a orthopedic surgeon to be seen in the next two days. We live in an apartment that is a three-story walk up… It took us to best friends, who are also very big guys, just to get him down the stairs. He spent the next two weeks barely able to walk. We really struggled in the sense that he was uncomfortable asking for my help.
One night about a week into discovering that he had developed bilateral sciatica, and that the MRI of his lumbar spine showed severe spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, and that he had herniated discs between three vertebrae. His neurosurgeon quite literally was absolutely flabbergasted when he found out that he had tolerated the pain with no medication for over two weeks.
On the night that I mentioned earlier, he crawled back into our bedroom. I woke up instantly and saw him on the floor… He had tried to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and collapsed. He was unable to get up and ended up urinating on himself. All he could say to me is how sorry he was, how disgusting he was, how pathetic he was… It absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces.
I got out of bed immediately, cleaned the floor, helped him to get into some clean clothes and try to make him comfortable in bed… Which was virtually impossible this point.
The pain became so intolerable for him the two nights in a row he ended up vomiting. The first time he was laying down in our bed, and I had managed to grab a bowl and some towels. Again all he could say was how disgusting he was, how sorry he was, and kept asking if he had ruined our sheets and our pillows. I could honestly give no fewer fucks about our sheets or pillows. When he threw up second night, I happened to be in the kitchen; suddenly they heard a loud thud in our bedroom… He had rolled himself off of the bed and hit the floor and our dresser HARD… he was so sick, but continued to apologize between heaving and sobbing.
After about 3 1/2 weeks of this, he was finally able to see a pain management specialist who gave him three epidural injections of steroids, which allowed him to begin walking again. He met with his new PT about a week after that, and the evening afterward I reminded him to do the exercises in bed that his PT had recommended.
We wound up getting into an argument… Honestly, I don’t even know how it all happened. Ultimately he expressed to me that he felt as though the past month had stripped him of his dignity. I have been extraordinarily cautious about this matter… I’ve always wanted to make sure that he didn’t feel as though I was babying him, or treating him as though he couldn’t do things anymore.
He has made significant improvements, however, after speaking with his mother’s neurosurgeon… Probably one of the best in the country (he has over a four year waiting list), he made it very clear that non-surgical therapies would only provide limited and short term, relief, and that if he did not consider his surgical approach, his condition could significantly worsen as time goes on.
To anyone who has read this far, thank you. Frankly, I sort of just needed to get it all out to someone… Or just out.
Is anyone experienced a similar situation in which their significant other was dealing with a major medical issue that caused them to feel as though they had lost their independence or dignity? How did you manage to help without crossing that line of partner versus caretaker?
Any recommendations or suggestions would be so greatly appreciate it. Thank you everyone…
r/relationship_advice • u/SamCharles25 • 8h ago
How can I (27m) feel sexually attracted to my partner (37f) again?
My partner started putting on weight from the time we got together, going from 170-200 in the first year and it was a bit off-putting but my love towards her and deep sense of attraction to her personality kept me in the relationship.
She then became obese hitting around 230 at the 2 year mark, then shortly after that she got pregnant and it just got worse (understandably)
Now we have a an 8 month old and despite me helping out a few hours a day she just can’t seem to get her health on track. Disclaimer: The baby sleeps 14 hours straight at night, and I work 6 12-hour shifts, so not much more I can do to help.
This isn’t a post to ask how to help her lose weight, she’s already on wegovy & has body image issues, so I don’t want to ever put that pressure on her. Plus the relationship is truly an amazing partnership where I feel fully supported by the love of my life.
Despite being able to enjoy sex with her and having a great sex life, I just don’t feel romantically attracted to her when I look at her from certain angles. Like her arms, belly, legs, etc.. they just give me the ick. However, her face is still a 10/10 to me and that + her amazing personality keeps me with her.
Last thing, I’m extremely fit (lift weights daily on my lunch break at work, eat a strict diet, etc..) so part of it is the relatability..
TLDR; Partner gained weight, I’m feeling less attracted to her but I still love her and love what we have together. Need advice on how to look past her weight.
r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAnice_kitty • 15h ago
I (22M) heard my girlfriend (23f) saying her coworker's name during sex (what should I do?)
So I kind of found out about this by accident. My girlfriend has been working with some guy that is around my age and talks to him pretty frequently since they are in the same friend group at work. They have hung out but only when the whole group hangs out (i drop her off/pick her up). My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 5 years and she has never shown signs of dishonesty or given me a reason not to trust her. She lets me record our sex sometimes and about 3 months ago I recorded a session. I was watching it tonight but this time the volume turned up and then I heard her say his name during the video. Now she did have her a pillow slightly covering her mouth and I had to replay the video a lot to fully confirm if it was his name or not and she says it once pretty loudly then again more quietly. Now why i did not notice during the time is beyond me, i think I was so focused on the sex as well as recording correctly that i didn't hear it . This coworker though is flirty among all the female coworkers where they work(i have seen it) and tells typical single guy stories on how he has had sex with all different types of woman. my girlfriend has been honest that he has called her names or said passive flirt comments to her in the past but she states she has shut him down over it . Now I dont want to just jump the gun and confront her over this as i mentioned she did have a pillow slightly covering her mouth so you need to really look out to hear it but i also feel like it would eat me up if i didnt address it. I also dont want to seem like i am accusing her of cheating or something and make myself look insecure since it's been a couple of months since we did that video and i didn't say/hear anything in that moment.
Please reddit , what should i do?
r/relationship_advice • u/FPVBrandoCalrissian • 1h ago
I (M38) have no friends or support I can really trust and to talk to about finding questionable texts on wife’s (M39) phone
Long story short, I have, over the past 10 years, slowly lost contact with all of my close and trusted friends. There have been times I’ve been depressed about it and work/family takes most of my time these days. We have two kids, 4 and 7. We are very loving and committed to each other but I came across a text message my wife sent to an old childhood friend of hers (lives out of province) that made my heart sank. She said that she thinks about him all the time in the text. They have used some emojis over the years like hearts and kissing faces. Last Summer she sent him a message about how she had a dream she couldn’t quite remember but that he was in it and it was good with a winking face. I’m at work now working on a big TV show and have to act more than the actors so people can’t see how upset I am. I don’t have anyone to really talk to about this and don’t want to confront my wife until I have something more concrete. In my opinion, this is not enough grounds to confirm a full on affair. They were very close friends as kids and may have even been romantic as teens. Please help! I’m so alone on this.
r/relationship_advice • u/throwRA645371937 • 1d ago
My girlfriend ( 23F) left me (24M) after 6 years and I’m beyond devastated
I met this girl (let’s call her Kate)when I was 18 and she was 17 at college. We had a mutual friend who introduced us. We hit it off on Snapchat and went on a movie date. This girl really breathed new life into me and a few months later I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Things were awkward at first but a few months later we admitted that we’d fallen for each other. We were seeing each other every weekend and sometimes during the week to watch movies, go on road trips or simply just to be in each others company. Life was amazing
However she was a “rave girl”. She loved to go out with her single friends at the weekend to concerts and events. I was always anxious but I trusted her and never told her she couldn’t go. I wanted her to enjoy herself and let her live her youth.
We took a lot of vacations together, we went to Italy, Spain and the Netherlands together, sometimes even with her family. We made a lot of memories and I felt so welcomed by her family.
When I was 21 I was diagnosed with a rare spine condition. Since I was 18 I had a lot of back pain and started to feel my legs lose coordination. It turned out to be a cancerous tumour inside my spinal chord and it had done some damage. I got surgery, learned how to walk again and got radiotherapy. I knew I had to beat this to get back to her side and to help build our future. She was so supportive of me, I couldn’t thank her enough and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
However, I noticed she never wanted to go on any dates with me. She just wanted to sit in her bedroom and watch TV together at the weekends or go out with her friends. It’s like she never wanted to have fun with me. She made such a big effort with them but I never mentioned it. I never stopped her from having her fun.
Fast forward to last week. She had been going out multiple times at the weekends and didn’t have time for me. She went out clubbing 6 times in the space of a month. I hadn’t seen her for nearly 3 weeks. I asked her to plan a dinner together, she was sarcastic about it. On Valentine’s Day I surprised her with flowers and boxes of her favourite chocolates and she got nothing for me. I was feeling deeply neglected but I was still madly in love with her.
She promised she wasn’t going out for 2 weeks but I got a message on Friday before I went to her house. “You’re gonna hate me but I’ve been invited to a works night out tomorrow”. I said “it’s fine, I’ll just see you tonight” baring in mind that we were just gonna sit in and watch TV together. The fact that she’s had more days out with her friends in the past month then we’ve had in 2 years was crushing me. She seemed distant that night, but we still held each other and talked etc.
Saturday morning came, I was getting ready to leave but I couldn’t get a response out of her. She was buried in her phone. I kissed her goodbye and left.
Later that night I get the awful “we need to talk” message right as she was going out. This filled me with immense anxiety. She then said she will do it when she’s sober the next day. I thought that it was a horrible thing to do. She struck fear into my heart and left me with it all night.
The next day I go to her house and we talk. She was hugging me and tearful. I knew what was about to happen. She told me that she loves me but she’s not IN love with me. I broke down. I had to leave. I went to my car and started screaming. After everything I’ve been through these past 3 years, things just keep getting worse for me. I got home and was howling. My world has fallen apart.
I’ve spent a quarter of my life with this girl and now it’s over. She said she was feeling this way for 6 months and never told me. In my head that just meant she checked out of the relationship before leaving me so she’s pretty much over it.
It took her less than 12 hours to remove me from her bios. It crushed my soul. My chest felt tight and was if I was carrying a block of ice in it.
It’s been 9 days since she left. I gave my all to this girl and would do anything to make her happy. She even admitted that she didn’t want to go on dates with me as she didn’t see the point.
As she’s an extremely attractive girl it won’t be hard for her to find a new man. The thought of her with someone else is killing me inside. I feel as if she is toying with me . She sends me a Snapchat after a few days of no contact, I reply and she ignores me. She’s turned so cold towards me.
I’ve literally never been so low in my life. I can’t get her out of my head. She’s all I think about. I try to keep myself busy but I can’t escape the bad thoughts. I never did anything wrong. I wasn’t controlling, i never glanced at another female, I was supportive and loving and I still lost everything. She was my world and I doubt she’s coming back to me.
My confidence is at an all time low. I don’t think I’m attractive and I can’t see me ever getting over her. I’m afraid that I’ll be alone forever now.
Edit: the majority of comments are being removed and I’d really like to read them. If you could DM your advice to me it would be greatly appreciated
r/relationship_advice • u/Different-Note3862 • 3h ago
My boyfriend [35 M] cheated on me [32 F] and instead of being devastated I just feel nothing inside and its freaking me out
I am an extremely sensitive person, and an empath, so the way I am responding to this (or the way my body seem to be responding) is actually concerning to me. It is very unlike me and it's scaring me. I just feel nothing inside... and don't know why... At first it was anger, but now, I can't even shed a tear (coming from someone who sobs uncontrollably at every emotional thing). What is happening???
Edit for some questions:
I just found out this week. We have been together for 3 years. He is in the middle of going through some family issues and I have been his rock (literally taking time off work to help and support him) so it's really a double slap in the face.
r/relationship_advice • u/olivekittenz • 1d ago
My (F21) sister (F28) is constantly upstaging me and trying to one up me in pregnancy? Due dates are 17 days apart
Me and my older sister are both pregnant at the same time. Our due dates 17 days apart. This is my first child. This is her second. She's 7 years older than me.
It started when I announced my pregnancy to my family. She announced hers a day later and ever since then it's been about her and her baby. I genuinely think that they forget that I'm also pregnant and having a baby. She herself didn't say congratulations to me and couldn't wait to announce her own pregnancy, it didn't matter about mine. She couldn't bare for that (what? less than 24 hours?) that somebody else was getting my parent's attention because she's so used to having it. I think she knew exactly what she was doing by announcing her pregnancy. She hadn't had her 12 week scan at this point so it really was because she wanted to upstage me.
Ever since then, whenever I try and have conversations with my parents and other sisters about my pregnancy she involves herself. The conversation always has to be about either her pregnancy or her baby. She dominates conversations and without fail makes it about herself or her baby every single time. It's always about her. She will not let me or anyone else talk about my baby.
Then there was the whole thing about a baby shower/gender reveal. Just bare in mind that my parents/family have thrown some kind of celebration for each one of my sisters when pregnant and through their multiple pregnancies. She said to my parents that she didn't want one and because she didn't want one, I wasn't allowed to have one because "it's not fair to do it for one and not the other". But I said that I wanted one as this was my first pregnancy and I wanted the same kind of effort and excitement and celebration for my baby that everyone else has gotten. So they've begrudgingly agreed to do this (which is shitty in itself) but they've said it has to be a joint one so that my sister isn't left out. I had already said that I don't want a joint baby shower/gender reveal for the simple fact of that she's upstaged me at every chance that she's gotten during my pregnancy and I want one day to be about me and my baby. I had also said that I didn't want her there for that exact reason.
To make this whole thing worse, I had a fall the other week when it was snowing and icy. I slipped walking down the steps out of my house and I obviously panicked and went to hospital. (Just going to add in that not one person answered my calls or texts about this when I was scared and upset and my boyfriend's sister ended up coming to the hospital with me as my boyfriend works away during the week). During one of the scans, the ultrasound tech accidentally used a gendered pronoun and revealed the gender. So now I know the gender of the baby. At the time I was just thankful everything was okay (and still am) but I'm upset and frustrated that the surprise was taken away.
So because I know the gender, everybody has said that it's pointless to have a gender reveal now. So now she's now going to upstage me again by having her gender reveal at what was supposed to be my gender reveal when she didn't even want this in the first place. Now it's just completely been taken over by her. It's not even half about me and my baby anymore. No one is going to give a shit about me or my baby (because they're not allowed to if she's around).
I'm just so over it all now. She's ruining everything about my pregnancy. I don't get to celebrate anything because she takes all of those moments away. Like when I felt my baby kick for the first time she "suddenly " got really "dizzy" and "faint". Anything that I buy for my baby, she has to buy bigger and better and more expensive. If I buy car seat, it isn't as good as the one she's bought. If I get a 4D scan, she'll book one too. I got a recording of the heartbeat so she bought one of those machines so people can hear it whenever they want. I've had enough of it. I've never wished that she wasn't my sister more than I have since getting pregnant and I did it a lot growing up. I just know it's going to continue to when I give birth too.
I just feel sorry for my baby because if this is how they're acting now, I can only imagine what it's going to be like once they're here. There's a clear favourite between the two and it's just sad for my baby. I also have a strong feeling that they're going to be the same gender too which will make it worse.
It's really sad because I thought I would get to bond with my mum during my pregnancy as my other sisters did. Me and my mum aren't really close and don't have the best relationship and I thought that this might help but it seems that my sister has always been the favourite and will always be.
TLDR: My sister keeps constantly upstaging my pregnancy and ruining my pregnancy
r/relationship_advice • u/NoPilot9128 • 50m ago
I (f 23) feel like my boyfriend (m 25) is constantly lecturing me, and I don't know how to approach the conversation to fix it
So, my boyfriend (m 25) and I (f 23) have been together for a year and a half. We've had our ups and downs, and recently I've noticed a weird trend in our conversations. I'll go up to him, talk with him about something small, and then he'll turn it into a psychoanalysis of my approach to life and how he has done similar things.
Like, earlier, I painted my nails with this new color I got. I used a cheap overcoat on top of the new color, and it kind of ruined my nails. Not a big deal. Showed it to my boyfriend as a casual interaction to comment on how I'm throwing away my cheap overcoat. Still, unintentionally that segued into him explaining that I should do more research before doing "these kinds of things." He started listing off how I should search for things on Youtube, and how I should buy better quality products. He told me that nail polish breaks down, etc. He explained that he always researches things before he does them, and I should do the same. Look, I don't do my nails often, but I do know the basics of nails and polish, having grown up in suburbia. I told him I'd research it more, but the whole explanation just felt a bit unnecessary.
Then, later, I tried talking with him about his grocery shopping haul. We've lived together for about a year, and I usually handle groceries. However, I've been swamped with work for the past two weeks, so I've asked him to go grocery shopping just this once. I put together a list with the brands I preferred and money for the items, but he picked up the wrong items. It disappointed me because I put in the time to make a clear list, and he didn't stick with it. I told him that I'm not upset about the groceries per se, but more that when I'm trying to lean on him for something I usually handle for the both of us, he doesn't quite handle it. I wasn't intending this to be a big moment or anything, just a check-in. We're supposed to go on a date later, and I want to get rid of any weird feelings. But the interaction turned into a lecture.
I spent the next while listening to him explain to me how I'm caught in an emotional pitfall and that this has wounded my ego, and that's why I feel so sad over this trivial issue. He explained that he does the same thing every now and again. It was a long while of me just sitting there, wondering how we got on this topic when all I want to hear is, "that makes sense. I'll follow the list next time." I was alright with even breaking down the grocery list and figuring out the situation with the groceries, but instead, he started analyzing me and kind of lecturing me. He suggested I work on recognizing when I'm being fair and unfair with my expectations.
This kind of interaction happens nearly any time I try to bring up an issue I'm having. These were examples from today, but it's been ongoing for a couple of months. I'll be spoken to instead of spoken with. How can I effectively explain that it is frustrating, and what steps can I take to avoid this?