r/CuratedTumblr
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u/TotemGenitor
You must cum into the bucket brought to you by the cops.
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Mar 22 '23
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ACAU: All Cops Are Unfuckable Meme or Shitpost + CW: Sex
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
Want a civil hero who's buff as hell and is actually genuinely awesome? Date a firefighter, dumbass
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u/ShadoW_StW Mar 22 '23
Ain't no song called Fuck The Fire Department
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
Not yet! It'll have a different then to the police one though, I think
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u/fivepointed Mar 22 '23
Oh yeah? https://youtu.be/7JkrJUAg8aI
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u/UPBOAT_FORTRESS_2 Mar 23 '23
Yo holy shit. I love the five stages of grief as a framing device and
Out of the frying pan and into depression
🔥🔥🔥✍️✍️✍️
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u/KikoValdez tumbler dot cum Mar 22 '23
Oh you think firefighters are hot? Replace "fire" with "women". Not so good now, is it?
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
Okay okay okay. But now replace the "fighter" with "". Not what I'm into, but it's pretty hot
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u/KikoValdez tumbler dot cum Mar 22 '23
Oh yeah? Well replace "women" with "hitler". That's what I thought, you nazi.
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
But now you put the "fighter", back in and... VOILA! PEAK HOTNESS
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u/KikoValdez tumbler dot cum Mar 22 '23
No no no no no because now you have a hitler who fights. Are you into that? Into nazis fighting? Smh wehraboo
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
Crap, you got me there
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u/GUDD4_GURRK1N very beautiful, very powerful. Mar 22 '23
Nah, fighting hitler isn’t a descriptor, it’s an action.
And I implore you to join me.
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u/thatgreenbean Mar 23 '23
Now I'm just imagining a Red Army soldier using that as a recruitment line
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u/GirlFromCodeineCity Mar 23 '23
Who killed hitler, you nazi? And you're into that? Go stand in the corner for a while
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u/SchrodingerSandwich Mar 22 '23
This made me literally, actually laugh out loud. Not even like a nose exhale or chuckle it was a good “Bha-he-he-ha!”
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u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy Mar 22 '23
Women Fighters are very hot actually. She can punch me
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u/Kaarpiv007 Earth Magic Shill Mar 22 '23
As long as someone's pulling my arms out of my sockets, I'm happy.
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u/dumbodragon i will unzip your spine Mar 22 '23
better yet. replace "fighter" with woman.
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u/rawdash least expensive femboy dragon \\ ant go spinny Mar 22 '23
womanwoman
woman2
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u/LustrousShadow Mar 23 '23
"She was your normal, everyday woman.. until she was bitten by a radioactive woman! Now, she's a woman who can do things that women can do!"
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u/GrootSuitRiot Mar 23 '23
She is plural. She is two women. She is Woman Woman.
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u/rawdash least expensive femboy dragon \\ ant go spinny Mar 23 '23
(shania twain voice) man! i feel like two women
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u/witebred112 Mar 23 '23
Firefighters are great, I love ‘em, when they’re at work. But god the ego when dealing with them at their homes, they think they defeat Hitler everyday and have an IQ higher than Einstein. It’s like bro, you called me to fix your shit so stop arguing, doubting and second guessing me.
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u/SludgeWaveGengar Mar 23 '23
Having worked in the industry for a couple of years and dealing with firefighters regularly, I can't help but agree. They're also far more conservative than people like to think. Only workplace where I regularly heard slurs fly.
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u/Horn_Python Mar 23 '23
its not their fault it means thr same thing as a fire log!
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u/SludgeWaveGengar Mar 23 '23
Lol, I wish it were just that. I learned new slurs working there. Ways to be racist I thought fell out of popularity decades ago.
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u/vertres Mar 23 '23
One warning though a lot of fire departments have the infidelity issues.
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u/honeybunchesofgoatso Mar 23 '23
Or get lucky and date a cute buff IT guy like me!
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 23 '23
If that ain't the damn dream
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u/Rifneno Mar 22 '23
Don't marry guys in a profession known for its staggering rate of domestic abuse? You sure?
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u/stifledmind Mar 22 '23
He keeps me safe from everyone else but him.
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u/Fenixius Mar 23 '23
He keeps me safe from everyone else but him.
Sick line, but I have to ask, do cops actually keep people safe (preventative)? Or do they just punish some select people who did the wrong thing (retributive)?
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u/tilehinge Mar 23 '23
Cops are temporally incapable of preventing crime. The notion is a fucking fiction.
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u/Fakjbf Mar 23 '23 edited Mar 23 '23
There is absolutely a non-zero amount of crime which is prevented simply because people are aware that there is a justice system capable of arresting and prosecuting them. The question is how significant that effect is and is it outweighed by the multitude of negatives that come with the current system. Even if the answer to that question is yes, that doesn’t mean there is no effect.
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u/b3nsn0w Rookwood cursed Anne, goblins were framed, and Prof Fig dies Mar 23 '23
while that's true, it also incentivizes people to corrupt the system or find other ways to dodge it. we need the system, but it's also not sufficient just by itself, and if it's the only incentive against crime it will get absolutely fucked up in short order.
the best way to stop crime is to give everyone something to lose by resorting to it, and only then add cops to the picture. better yet, if said cops also have something to lose it that acts as an anti-corruption force
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u/Salty_Dornishman Mar 23 '23
Cops are under no legal obligation to protect people
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u/littleessi Mar 23 '23
in america. in other countries they are, they just usually choose not to anyway
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u/Lucky-Worth Mar 22 '23
Srs I know so many horror stories of women and kids abused by these assholes, who are totally protected by their collegues
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u/-SoItGoes Mar 23 '23
In my hometown there was a cop who broke into his ex wife’s house to murder her, all his cops friends were feigning shock like they couldn’t believe their buddy was a serial abuser and murderer, and they weren’t active participants in helping him abuse her.
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u/SludgeWaveGengar Mar 23 '23
It's why I balk at the 40% statistic. There are 40% (self-reportedly) abusing their families (specifically physically). How many are covering for that 40%?
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u/ChiaraStellata Mar 23 '23 edited Mar 23 '23
Even if you think he's "one of the good ones" and wouldn't hurt a fly, the fact is that if he ever abuses you, at any time in the future, you will have absolutely no legal recourse, because his buddies in blue will back him over you, every time. And if you ever divorce him? Cops are in real good with the judges and you will not get an equitable settlement. You should not trust anyone that much.
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u/thisoneisTal Mar 23 '23
It’s a cesspool. The good ones get drowned out in the same filth. You don’t stay clean for long, your colleagues will drag you down with them.
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u/Skolvikesallday Mar 23 '23
And if you ever try to leave, he will be able to find you. And his cop friends will help him stalk you.
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u/river4823 attention deficit hyperactive disaster Mar 23 '23
Yeah OP is saying “ethically unfuckable” like it’s some sort of disservice to the greater good. There are much more self-interested reasons not to date a cop.
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u/survivalking4 Mar 23 '23
40% of cops have engaged in domestic violence (self reported). The number likely goes up when you ask the spouses. Don't become a statistic.
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u/OdiiKii1313 ÙwÚ Mar 22 '23 edited Mar 22 '23
I totally agree with this but also that one time my friend got a cop to suck his toes is still incredibly funny to me. Taking bootlicker to a whole other level.
Edit: to all the people asking for the "juicy details" this is basically the whole story I got. He met someone at like a club, turned out to be a cop, they fucked, and in the process said cop got down on his knees and got to work.
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Mar 22 '23
Take the Eleanor pill: go for mailmen.
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u/Redqueenhypo Mar 23 '23
Our mailman is a NOI nutjob who tried to recruit my mother into a Ponzi scheme, so don’t date mailmen from New York
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u/akka-vodol Mar 22 '23
You've heard of ethical consumption, you've heard of ethical work, now prepare for ethical fucking.
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u/CallMeOaksie Mar 22 '23
I mean it’s still ethical consumption if you eat ass
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u/BabyRavenFluffyRobin A robot's best quality is his co- ...computer Mar 22 '23
Oi! There's plenty to put in your mouth other than ass
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u/Moon_Pearl_co Mar 23 '23
We can eat ass if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't eat ass
And if they don't eat ass
Well, they're no friends of mine
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u/Mister_Dink Mar 23 '23
Look up the ancient Greek play from 411 BC.
It's a whole play about ethical fucking.
The women go on a sex strike until their husbands and boy toys agree to stop the Peloponnesian war.
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u/TangerineMaximum Mar 23 '23
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female human breeding, cops are the least fuckable profession for humans? Not only are they all bastards, they are an average of 40% admitted abusers and far more according to their spouses! This means they are total dicks, and with their access to hate groups and qualified immunity, one can be rough with you. Due to their bastard based ideology, there is no doubt in my mind that a cop held accountable wets their pants. So wet that it rivals Steven Seagal. They also can't learn from their mistakes, along with not having ethics to hide their abuse, so it's incredibly easy for one to get you in a mood. Also, sad fact, if you look hard enough, they all vote right...wing. Cops literally are built for dragon dick.
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u/UPBOAT_FORTRESS_2 Mar 23 '23
You didn't have to do this. I ... Think I'm glad you did, but you didn't have to
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u/WarningSuper2017 Mar 22 '23
I'm not saying ACAB, but I've known 2 cops. One cheated on his wife, in their house, and the other murdered his.
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u/Deathaster Mar 22 '23
He murdered his house???
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u/DiggingInGarbage Smoliv speaks to me on an emotional level Mar 22 '23
How else do they bring houses to market? Ya gotta butcher em first
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u/Castle_for_ducks Mar 23 '23
I'm not saying ACAB
I am! ACAB
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u/Voltayik Mar 23 '23
Its interesting how saying ACAB on reddit can randomly get mass upvotes and in other posts get mass downvotes. Yet its supposed to be a blanket statement
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u/BellerophonM Mar 23 '23
Fuck the police (derogatory), fuck the firefighters (lascivious)
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u/SwordDude3000 Mar 23 '23
Remembe: Fuck the police but also, DO NOT fuck the police
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u/absolute_gimboid Mar 23 '23
I admit I have a difficult time not being attracted to some lady cops, but I'm married and can't stand cops.
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u/SwordDude3000 Mar 23 '23
Life Hack: Forest Rangers wear almost the same uniform and have actual skill and duties that help society.
Camping GF > Copper GF
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u/jacksparrow1 Mar 22 '23
‘Two studies have found that at least 40 percent of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10 percent of families in the general population.‘”
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u/bleepblooplord2 Bonus Bread Damage Mar 22 '23
That’s still genuinely concerning that on average, 1 in 10 families (assuming this is the US) experience domestic violence.
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u/ZeistyZeistgeist Mar 22 '23
1 in to families. The average sized family is 3.19, and given the US population that is basically ** dozens of millions upon millions** of people are victims of domestic abuse.
On average, 20 people are experiencing domestic abuse in the US per minute.
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u/Quetzalbroatlus Mar 23 '23
I'm not sure you can turn that into a rate
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u/rmoodie100 Mar 23 '23
There are probably peak hours for domestic abuse. After work, when bars close, etc.
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u/ClairevoyantSlime Mar 23 '23
To be "fair" I guess, domestic violence is broad. Ex my sibling's sperm donor screamed a bunch of shit at our mom in front of said sibling, including "I'll take the kids and kill myself", which is technically domestic violence despite being verbal
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u/tocopherolUSP Mar 22 '23
And I also read that this study is incomplete because of the unions and all the legal protections cops have, it's really difficult to even find members of the force who would voluntarily help the study, and even more difficult for them to accept they are abusive in the first place. Also, the study is from the 90s or something like that and it hasn't been possible to do newer ones because of the above mentioned reasons. Who knows what the real percentage is. I'm willing to bet is way higher.
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u/Cuplander Mar 23 '23
This keeps doing the rounds. The study cited draws from a survey done in 1983 where 700 or so cops asked if they had ever gotten out of control and behaved violently towards their spouse. Type of violence was not specified.
The other study was 400 odd officers and wives in 1985 which had both officers and wives report violence in 28% of cases (from both parties.)
Domestic violent relationships where the perpetrator is police have their own risk factors and barriers to reporting and they are a problem. But we should be as harsh on poor quality statistics that support our viewpoint than those we oppose.
Two small studies from 40 years ago should not be used as evidence that 25% of police police are violent to their partners. They might be, but that's straight junk science in any context.
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u/emvthewoman Mar 22 '23
firefighters! and they have that cool big truck
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u/RachelonAcid Mar 23 '23
I loved to play with fire trucks as a little girl. Now I love to play with his fire truckwink wink lmao
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u/iborahae Mar 22 '23
Someone I know’s ex was a cop and he pulled his gun out at a house party with friends. Needless to say her friends did not like him. He was NOT stable.
ETA: some more words
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u/queenexorcist Touhou and JoJo are two genders of a sexually dimorphic species Mar 23 '23 edited Mar 23 '23
My ex-gf was friends with a girl who was dating a state trooper. At a halloween party a few years ago while I was sitting alone in the kitchen, said state trooper randomly came up to me, drunk as fuck, and whipped out and showed me his gun. He then asked if I wanted to go in the backyard and practice shooting with it.
I immediately told him no and he awkwardly shuffled out of the room, and I spent the rest of the night on edge that he was gonna shoot and kill someone lmao. 💀 Fun times.
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u/Starry-Gaze Mar 22 '23
You know, cop costumes have actually fallen out of favor in recent years during halloween, with as big as a 40% dip in the last 5 years, google "40% of cops" to learn more /j
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u/Spriy Mar 22 '23
if you want a buff guy who's going to beat you and your kids, marry a cop.
if you want a buff guy who risks his life to save people daily, marry a firefighter.
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u/theswordofdoubt Mar 23 '23
I'd hope that he wouldn't have to risk his life daily, though, and that a city can be trusted to go one goddamn day without a life-threatening fire breaking out somewhere, but that's optimistic.
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u/NiteNiteSpiderBite Mar 22 '23
Go for the electricians, that's where the $$$'s at
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u/saintsagan Mar 23 '23
Gotta make that money to pay for a steady diet of Monsters and Honeybuns.
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u/StJoeStrummer Mar 23 '23
Easy to save money for that when you don’t have to buy brooms or trash bags, too.
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u/saintsagan Mar 23 '23
I don't know what those are, but they're definitely not on the tool list.
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u/SomeGirlIMetOnTheNet Mar 23 '23
For a great example of why, see this post from BoLA where after dating for a month and then breaking up OP is getting followed by cop cars and the local court is refusing to do the paperwork for an emergency protective order
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u/HannahCoub Mar 22 '23
Actually this is untrue, all men in the trades got married sometime between 16 and 22.
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u/OgreSpider girlfag boydyke Mar 23 '23
I had an EMT-B briefly, couldn't hack navigating so I never got past the mundane transport type work. But it was already evident in classes, where most of us were 20-23, that everyone was married or in a long term relationship. That includes the women, whether straight or queer (and there's a fair number of queer woman EMTs).
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u/Snoo_72851 Mar 22 '23
I think this is a bit unfair. You know, cops are actually far better at sex than other professions, with some studies claiming they are perceived by their sexual partners to be at least 40% better on average. Don't believe me? Google "40% cops" and you'll find the truth!
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Mar 22 '23
[deleted]
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u/Hot-Explanation6044 Mar 22 '23
"You married an authority figure because your father refused to fulfill his role so you kinda deserve the beatings for not cooking the marinara right, nothing we can do about it"
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u/tocopherolUSP Mar 22 '23
I'm poor but here's my small award to you, cause this is exactly what happens to many vulnerable women. It is never their fault. And it's not okay to blame them.
🏆🏆🏆
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u/PlaneShenaniganz Mar 23 '23
Dropping a good word on behalf of myself and all other pilots out there 👋
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u/mammamia42069 Mar 23 '23
This is completely unrelated but does anyone else remember the post about someones dad being worried they looked like a conservative after encountering a weird waitress. It was all over this sub a few months back, “i dont know, does he?”
It came up on my twitter again today, the original post, and i felt like i was going crazy bc nobody knew the extra curated tumblr shitpost layer
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u/spacer_trash Mar 22 '23
Fucking a cop is beastiality oink oink
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u/RedCrestedTreeRat play myhouse.wad | a AAA production (agender, aro, ace) Mar 23 '23
Please don't insult the poor piggies by comparing them to cops :(
Pigs🐷 are cute and intelligent. Can you say the same about cops?
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u/DareDaDerrida Mar 22 '23
Amazed it's not more approved on tumblr then. I've seen posts here advocating for the deep-dicking of everything from robots to fish to goat-human-hybrid demons to wolves who are the embodiment of death.
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u/takefiftyseven Mar 23 '23
Reminds a little bit of stories you'd hear about Trump campaign interns and staffers who got a job in the administration began rolling into DC believing it was going to be easy pickings in the dating scene because they were politicly well connected. They quickly found out that as soon as it was known they were part of the MAGA crowd they became virtually undatable.
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u/GeneralWiggin superb, you funky little biped Mar 23 '23
I'm in the trades (union plumber)
unfortunately I am not hot
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u/coffeemmm Mar 23 '23
Everyone’s sexy to someone out there! Hell, the guy who came to fix the boiler at our office recently after hours (I needed to let him in) wasn’t “conventionally attractive” but I would have let him strip my nuts, if you know what I mean…
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Mar 23 '23
[deleted]
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u/Quantum_Lesbionic Mar 23 '23
Actually that study is way worse then you think.
The 40% refers to spouses of cops who report being physically assaulted. It doesn't include abuse of non-married partners, non-physical abuse, or attempt to account for abuse that wasn't reported.
There has not actually been a comprehensive study examining all forms of domestic abuse by cops but expert estimates are in the 80-90% range.
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u/MapleTreeWithAGun Not Your Lamia Wife Mar 23 '23
Whenever I'm thinking about sexy women in uniforms and stuff I typically just replace "POLICE" with "SECURITY" and place them outside gay bars and the like.
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u/ashtobro Mar 23 '23
"Ethically unfuckable" is such a great phrase, it conveys so much meaning in only 2 words.
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u/darkloid_blues doesn't know when to shut up Mar 23 '23
And if it's specifically the cop uniforms you like for some weird reason: date a stripper.
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u/Sary-Sary Mar 23 '23
The way cops are in the US is genuinely terrifying. Wouldn't say ACAB for the police in my country, definitely would for cops in the US.
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u/MittoMan resident himbo goldie Mar 23 '23
Why do the worst people always have the hottest uniforms TwT
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u/plsobeytrafficlights Mar 23 '23
I feel like this is common knowledge. Wouldn’t go there in a million years.
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u/iceketball27 Mar 23 '23
Honestly though, one encounter with a cop was enough to drive me away from them. Dude kept offering to drive me home the first time he met me.
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u/GenderDimorphism Mar 23 '23
Well, and 40% of cops beat their wives, so there's that as well. It's basically a coinflip.
https://sites.temple.edu/klugman/2020/07/20/do-40-of-police-families-experience-domestic-violence/
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u/paging_doctor_who Mar 23 '23
40% admit to beating their wives. The actual number is probably higher.
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u/reincharnation Be the beast you wanna see! Mar 23 '23
i don't want a cop gf i want a strong woman who can both handcuff me and support me in times of need (i will do the same dw)
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u/anxious_an0n Mar 23 '23
Haha definitely did not read it as “just pick what trade you think is sexist” at first, what’re you talking about? 😅
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u/Walk_the_forest i maintain that Dionysus should be hot Mar 22 '23
Literally paramedics and fire fighters exist, smdh